Yuletide Cheer and all that stuff...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...I love the holidays. I love entertaining and seeing my family and having people over. I always have. But I don't like the drama. I really just want everyone to get along and have a life supported by loving people. My mom was a drama Queen. She was in a tizzy any time we had people over and would clean a clean house for days. ;P

 I SO wasn't going there. I was informed by my soon-to-be-ex many years ago that I was turning into my mother. I would get all tense before we left to go anyplace and scream and have fights...I then realized it was because I was always ready 30 minutes early and he was always 30 minutes or more late and didn't have his stuff together. So on top of doing my stuff and being disabled and feeling like crap I'd be trying to organize his at the last minute and get the kids moving, because they knew that the time stated meant 30 minutes or more late, and it was ALWAYS more stress than I wanted to deal with. LOL My daughter still fudges times with us both to get us going "on time." She's starting to realize that I'm actually getting ready at the time she says and now am considering HER late. LOL My son...well...we're always walking out the door while he's still brushing his teeth or getting his coat or something 10 minutes after it was time to go and waiting for him outside.

But all of this aside, making food for people I love and seeing them enjoy it. Being able to give them some small gift of my heart even when I'm broke. Letting them know I thought of them and love them and welcome new members to the family table. No matter when the holiday is celebrated.  (and no matter how many pain killers I need to swallow to get through the day!) I'd almost  prefer Christmas or a Yule celebration in July...just to divorce it from all the rest of the crazy of the season and get the family together for some gathering time to bond in a time less fraught with stress for all. But then employers don't give time off for the Summer Soltice do they? and when you are baking and sweating it just doesn't seem as fun to get together with family as when you can go sliding through the ice and snow.
from the puzzled goddess shivering under her nice warm blankets on this Christmas Afternoon.

I don't have any close friends anymore, but I somehow always have conversation...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...I meet the most interesting people on the transit system, but then, I find people fascinating. I almost feel like I'm having too much fun when I commute, that it should be more of a hardship, like for my early twenties son.

 I feel so sorry for him. He invariably gets these half, (or totally) potted older women who stink to high heaven of booze, body odor, cigarettes and gods know what else that INSIST on sitting in seats next to him. And then edge closer and closer pushing their elbows and more of their bodies into him as the ride goes on. Anyone who knows him knows he's REALLY fastidious about his personal appearance and cleanliness, and then he gets the same migraines from toxic volatile chemicals as I do...and having someone shove it constantly under your nose...UcK!

But he and his sister are probably right that if he said something, being a white male in his 20's, a member of the "privileged class," that a whole scene would be started, and he would NOT come out of it well. I don't really understand why it should be so different. Though I do know it will.

 I can watch it play out in my head like one of those TV shows about moral choices and watch the strangers react badly to him when he is the wronged party.

It's taking liberalism and Political Correctness too far. Don't Get ME WRONG!
 I AM THE POSTER CHILD FOR PC AND LIBERALISM.
BUT NOT. I REPEAT. NOT---
WHEN IT VIOLATES COMMON SENSE!
And that is where that pendulum is starting to swing, both ways--- liberal and conservative, both are violating common sense and common decency, compassion and empathy for their fellow human beings.

I didn't mean to start this to lecture, just to update on how many interesting conversations I can have on the transit system going to appointments now that I had to get rid of my car.

A good friend of mine from college, Rory A. Miller, who writes the Chiron Training blog, as well as many excellent books on the subjects of martial arts and responding to violence, used to tell stories about riding the Trimet buses over school breaks and living homeless on Portland streets, and he'd make all of us see the humor in the situations that really weren't that humorous at all. But he has a special way of looking at things. I remember his slightly warped view of life as I look at my new world through my cloudy-mist eyes and talk to the people in it.

I met an older black woman who was so stylish she put me to instant shame. The turban was a kicken' 1930's look and the raccoon long coat draped over her shoulders set off her black pantsuit and leather alligator shoes. It all looked vintage. But vintage with style and flair. When I complemented her outfit we hit it off immediately, and we got to talking about our lives and her loves and her man that was still coming around looking for, "somethin', somethin'. You know how those men are. He cheated on me, but it may be worth it just to sample it again before I kick it out. Opportunities don't come by so often anymore at our age." We laughed so long before she got off the streetcar... We were like young girls being naughty in the corner and embarrassing the poor boy sitting across the aisle. I then, of course, being totally oblivious to his blushes got off at my stop 5 minutes later with my walker and a small chuckle. Bet he never makes the mistake of thinking old ladies don't giggle over old men. LOL


And then there was the young man in his late twenties or thirties buried in a book talking about sailing around the world. He thought it would be amazing to build a boat and do it. I could see the spark in his eyes. Maybe a Thor Heyerdaul, who knows?

There were the Water Engineers from England, the World Championship for track and field? I believe, where I was at the correct time to meet the families of the Australians, Germans, and some of the English, and the young Spanish émigré who thought Portland was the most accepting place she had ever lived though she laughed and said she would remember my description of being, "self consciously weird." That it fit quite a few of the Portlander's she had met...others just reveled in their weirdness. lol

I thought I would read many more books while riding transit, and I do keep a book or two with me. But far and above more interesting are the people and their stories and their lives.

....reflections of a puzzled goddess...

don't take my energy...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I am, as those overly PC people put it, "differently-abled." I've railed against it, against my genetics, against gods, and all involved.

Most people don't get it because it's invisible. Over the years I've commiserated with others in similar situations because they too, understand...that's why I'm frustrated and get pissed off when they blithely steal my family's spoons. Yes, I consider it a theft. Because otherwise I was in an untenable situation and would look bad...

So it was that I use energy I and my family didn't have to waste on somebody that KNOWS how little we have because they are in the same boat, or look like awful shirkers who leave these poor people stranded alone to pack up all by themselves.

It is worse because my husband has now joined the ranks of the uncontrolled diabetics again (no insurance), with other problems that go with it like high cholesterol and high blood pressure and his sleep apnea. He's losing weight. But somewhere recently he lost his backpack that had his diabetic blood sugar monitor in it, and half of his medicines and of course we can't afford to replace it without insurance. A doctor visit alone to our doctor is well over $200, but it's getting critical.

So I've been rationing his energy, like I ration mine, like I ration that of the rest of my family...others think of it as how many spoons they have to get through a day. It's a good analogy to get the point across. Your energy is finite and people who have an energy reserve don't get that...but people who are disabled themselves SHOULD!


I've had to tailor my family's life to our reality. It used to be what do you want mommy to do, this school thing with you, or a movie with the family over the weekend? A family night? or some one on one time? It was always mommy and always an either/or. Now it's daddy as well, or both.


I ration my energy day to day. I ration my husband's energy. I ration my family's energy.


I even explain to people that we make choices between what we can do and what we can't based on the disabilities and amount of energy it takes to deal with it.


With small children and disabilities we found we couldn't event. We especially couldn't autocrat as we loved to do. I stopped going to most events and my husband went alone to some of them. I stopped cooking at events. We stopped putting up an elaborate period camp. All of our activities got rationed. Saying "no" became a hated skill I had to learn for my sanity and my family's ultimate survival.

We went to few events, even fewer activities because my disabilities made daily life a chore and just living it to raise children took all my energy.

Now my children are old enough to be a help. We are learning how to streamline our SCA lives to sometimes be able to still be able to afford the energy it takes to go to and sometimes even to run events, but I need my entire family's energy to do it for us all to get there and we plan our vacations from the everyday grind of pain and "can't do thats" accordingly. We all pitch in to make it work for our family.


Now, there is a down side that I have found with our love of our new group. My husband hasn't learned the ability to say no, and I find myself feeling responsible for people who are availing themselves of our too finite family energy reserves so that we are left with less than nothing when we return home. It will really mean fewer events for us, that's the bottom line.

I can't allow my husband, who is our only almost able-bodied bread winner at this point, to cripple himself like this for multiple days on our return from what is supposed to be a "fun" event. As a family, we can't afford it. Individually, he can't afford it, health-wise.


I can't afford it, selfishly, when he is my only support for transport, and the only support for transport for his disabled mother as well.

Don't get me wrong. We had so much fun with our friends at this last event, but we knew our limitations, and the limitations of our conditions and didn't even do our normal volunteering. My husband didn't fight; crap, he didn't even marshal. That should have clued people in to just how messed up he was. He went to bed just after dark on Sunday. This, from the man who like the night owl he is, normally helps me greet my pain filled dawn.

He's only like this when his diabetes is messed up like it was this last weekend and the injuries are stacking up from the weather and the packing. I doubled my meds. I'm not supposed to, but I can't pack otherwise, and I was relieved it only took us about 4 hours to pack our own stuff up. We woke up and immediately got to it like we normally do, all of our family pitching in and doing what we can. We even ate as we packed and just got it done. I was thankful to the bit of help we got to fold up the one tent and tote the couple of heavy things I can't lift. It was all of about 10 minutes to help us finish up or so I would guess. I probably made it longer trying to get in the way and bend over myself, but for some reason people kept being concerned I'd faint on them or some stupid sh*t like that. ;D (Thanks Aislin for the assist folding the tent!)

I had to think long and hard why I've been so upset the last few days while we've been recovering and pretty much bed bound. And I think it was so hard because the next 2 hours was spent packing up a camp with only half the people who had shared it helping after they had made an INCREDIBLY slow start to their day and it had put them way behind everybody else. I found it hard to not feel resentment as the kids all sat in the car and Mom in that camp did most of the work, disabled as she is.

It bothered me most because, while I don't mind helping, I expect EVERYONE to do what little bit they can if I am going to be using up energy my family doesn't have to spare, and I felt like my husband and I and a few others were paying the toll so that the disabled gentleman in that camp could overuse his own energy and enjoy himself that weekend. We paid HIS price. My husband even warned him not to pack so much and was ignored and we still paid his price. As well as the price for the non-disabled people riding with him who could have been helping but sat in the car instead for various reasons. They may have been valid reasons beyond getting food; I don't know. I just know that energy was fading fast that would have been conserved if there had been more help and more fellow feeling.

Courtesy requires that people not be able to say things when they are so angry they are being abused and they feel they are being taken advantage of. That is wrong. It is discourteous to us all to take advantage of us by relying on our courtesy and goodwill to do your work.

A two hour drive home took 5 hours because of the stops we had to make to calm the spasms of pain my husband was having ,and I was in no shape to drive because I'd had to double my meds to "help" pack up when I went beyond my limits. I felt absolutely helpless. I didn't have anything I could medicate him with and I was too medicated to drive. All we could do was wait for the muscle spasms in the back and shoulder to lessen enough for him to drive again.

Then he had to race the clock to get home to help a disabled mother try to get a battery for her car working so she could see a doctor. He ended up back out on the road, muscle spasms and all.

So...I need to get this said. I may be seen as the wicked witch of the west or of the local area. But, I did my volunteering in the background and what was within my energy to do at the event, or would have been, based on what my family packed and what we knew we had to do.

I've had 2 eye surgeries in the last 4 months and have been fighting medication changes that are swinging my blood pressure and blood sugar up and down, and I'm lucky if I can bend over without fainting. I make us pack only what we need. My husband didn't volunteer to do the things he loved because he hurt himself helping people a few days before the event and knew that packing up and slogging in the mud would be too much for our family energy to absorb.

As adults we make those decisions daily, and yes, we made the decision to help the pople we did, because their being left behind to do it on their own would have reflected badly on our own group and ultimately, on us. So we made the choice not to look like slackers who had no conscience.

But they, as well, are adults, who have been disabled a long time. Long enough that they should know their energy limits and not ask others to give them spoons. Aislin doesn't have many spoons to spare. I don't have them and my husband doesn't have them to give. We were put in a position to be made to look bad if we didn't and that's what made me upset.


Many people in our group are disabled. We seem to have an overabundance of "differently-abled" who need to steward their energy wisely and, as such, we need to help each other as a community, but we need to NOT count on abusing that help. Because those of us that help are giving up our energy and spoons and future days of being able to take moms to hospitals and go with kids to events at their schools to you too! These are things that have been missed...


I recognize it when I have to ask for help, and I sure don't expect to receive it. I am amazed and humbled by the willingness of our members who can give of their help and do, but expecting the help is an abuse that will see the help drying up and blowing away for everyone.

Why am I cowardly bitching here instead of in an open forum where I can be answered face-to-face, or in a one-on-one meeting where I can address the problem diplomatically with the major individuals involved?

Mainly because of my old nemesis, disability. I can't string sentences together and when I have an issue to address when I am upset the ability regresses even further. My IQ drops by 20 to 50 points and I spend many minutes fighting the fog and being frustrated and losing the point of the whole exercise, and by then, so has the person I'm trying to confront. So I have found that writing, with the ability to stretch it out, find the right word, and ask for the person's feedback, can actually facilitate one-on-one communication for me. It is still just as hard for me to confront someone as it ever has been. I still need to get my courage up so I'm not walked over and then I need to find the words so that I can hope they'll understand my feelings, and not just blow it off as unimportant. Because if I sat down and took the time to draft it out and write, it was majorly important to the future of that relationship.

from the goddess who has been hibernating with her god for 2 days recovering...

Of favors and Being the inspiration...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I have been my fighter's inspiration before. I've made a favor before, and had it hang on his belt. He fought for me in a Crown. I watched him lose in two rounds, and then I commiserated with him over his loss. I knew much less of fighting then, having never marshalled or gotten into armor myself.

We went through a breakup as lovers do... I then had it given back to me and told that maybe I should give it to my new guy.... ? That was such a classless comment that I wondered why I had ever given out a favor in the first place.

It's also probably the reason that I've resisted making favors for any of the people that I truly love that I play with in the SCA that I should proudly ask to display my favor on their belt, arm, around their head, or neck....or anywhere else we deem appropriate. ;D

That new guy, became my husband of the last 17 years and my lord and the general guy that I consider an inspiration to live with. I took a favor and tokens class at Sport of Kings this last year given by Mistress Cymbric of the Isles, OL that totally rejuvenated my interest and love for the thought of being an inspiration and giving a symbol of that. But, since I absolutely suck at hand work, and it takes me forever, the real favor, a torse for my lord's helm is taking longer and longer it seems, but since his new helm THAT I BOUGHT HIM LAST YEAR is STILL not riveted so that he can wear it! I'm probably right up with his schedule. ;D

But my sweet daughter did her father proud and gave him a very meaningful favor full of symbolism to wear on his arm while he is fighting, it includes one of the first beads that she has made as a lampworker that was in his colors. It also includes two coin blanks for him to be placed on his eyes at "death" to pay the ferryman to cross the river. Such a creative addition to a favor! And each element has a symbolism to it that she explained at the firelit ceremony where she presented it to him.

I had to make do with a temporary favor to let him know how close he held my heart as he fought in Crown lists that day and how close he holds it every day. The picture at the beginning of this post was taken by Talon in the SCA who caught us as King Cedric was giving his invocation, and we were seriously considering the duties and responsibilities that go along with the wearing of the crowns of AnTir.

I'm still working on that favor. I'm still proud of my lord and the chivalry he shows and the love he shows for me daily, let alone the love and enthusiasm he has for this organization and it's ideals and fun. The group that is forming, it's people and our emerging traditions are just as inspiring to me as my husband is in everyday life. ;D

from a goddess who is inspired

Bitchology...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
I had a great time last night, and last weekend, the weekend before, and the weekend before that...

All this summer socializing packed into a few weekends of seeing people I'd known for years and finally catching up because we all are in the right place, and space, at the right time.

We've made time to spend with family, and time to spend doing what we love in the current middle ages.

I also have been lucky enough to make some new friends that I'm coming to cherish as marvellous people who accept my slightly *cough* ascerbic wit, and my emerging compassion and can seem to understand that I'm trying to meld the two with the wisdom I've had to cultivate.

I don't think it's that I wasn't compassionate when I was younger, at least I would hope not. I would hope that it was that I was young, and arrogant, and being young and arrogant I was correspondingly impatient with the perceived weakness of those around me.

One of my best friends made the comment last night, "wow, S... is being more compassionate than I am, when did that happen?"

I understand that most people might have been insulted by this, but in my group of friends I was known as a tough bitch goddess who told it like it was...it was the only way I had learned to survive. I was brutal sometimes in the way I stripped people of their most cherished illusions, but the friends who stayed...mostly, loved that about me and the fact that, when they got inside my heart, I was this giant marshmallow who had a love and loyalty that stretched pretty much forever. I was the chief, I was mom, I was doomed to not be weak. Not even in my own mind.

That perception has changed over the years and it's only now that I'm working to rebuild my self image, but long term chronic illness has a tendency to do that in your life and this post is not about that struggle, or not entirely. ;D

Then another close friend told my daughter that I once was going to write a book called, "Bitchology." It sounds like something I would have said, but the title was probably all his, 'cuz he's a hell of a lot cleverer with words than I am. ;D

I think I could have made the book a hit...I think I could still make the book a hit! It's a great title! There is something to be said for being a bitch. My daughter has been gifted that title by my friends and she preened under it, and they praised her saying they were glad she knew it was a compliment.

And I think it is, because I think sometimes in this world that being 'bitch' is just another word for being a forthright, alpha female who can hold her own in the world. It will cause her problems. It already has.

But I would say much better bitch than victim if I have the choice between the two. Those were my choices, not my daughters', but I could only raise her as I knew to be raised as a female. She was a "girlier" girl. And she didn't have the sports opportunities that I did. She is so much more organized than I ever was and so much more her own person. I was very dependent on my friends' opinions, my family's opinions, everyone's opinions... but my own.

Seeing friends from long ago and seeing glimpses of our faces from long ago in them, I see the continuity and the beauty.

Being with old friends I just plain had fun catching up and hearing about all the stuff I haven't heard and where they've been and what they've done...even if they've blogged about it...It was still better to hear about in person.

ta ta from the goddess of bitchology

Chickening out for dinner...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

For some reason if you add chow mein noodles and chicken and cashews to a salad...I like it better lately. I'm not sure my kids do, but what do they know? I'm the one that has to try to cook in this heat. And they're always the ones who complain I'm trying to overfeed them.

So I thought I'd share a recipe I just came up with that tastes pretty good. It's for a large group of people....but it should scale down just fine....next time maybe I'll add pineapple to it though....

Chicken Oriental Salad with Cashews


Number Of Serves: 16 Serve(s)
Preparation Time: 30.00 min
Cooking Time: 55 min


Ingredients

1. 8 lbs of frozen skinless chicken breasts
2. 0.5 t of vietnamese or chinese ground red chili garlic sauce (chilis in vinegar)
3. 1 c of Kikoman soy sauce
4. 1 T of Black Bean Sauce
5. 1 T of Hoisin Sauce
6. 1 t of chinese hot mustard
7. 0.5 t of ground ginger
8. 1 c of dried minced onion (1/2 c. if using fresh)
9. 0.25 c of Newman's own Lowfat sesame and ginger dressing
(may leave out, doesn't really add much)
10. 2 c of oiled, salted cashew halves and pieces
11. 16 oz of bag dry chow mein noodles
12. 3 oz of dry, candied ginger, sliced finely
13. 2 lbs of salad mix
14. 0.5 head of green leaf lettuce
15. 2 ea of tomatoes
16. 2 ea of kiwi
17. 1 ea of cucumber
18. 0.5 med of green pepper

Procedure/Direction:
1. Preheat oven to 375 F.

2. Mix soy sauce, chili sauce, minced garlic, black bean sauce, hoisin sauce, hot mustard, ground giner, minced onion and newman's dressing if using it in a small bowl.

3. Spread chicken breasts in single layer in two roasting pans and baste with sauce, careful to scoop onions onto chicken for flavor. Baste both sides of chicken before inserting in oven.

4. Put into oven. Cook 25 minutes. Turn chicken and switch racks that pans are occupying so all chicken cooks thoroughly. After about another 30 minutes chicken should be thoroughly cooked, juices should run clear. Cut meat into cubes and store the chicken along with all pan drippings in a large bowl in refrigerator to cool.

5. Prepare salad. Peel kiwi fruit and slice into thin rounds or strips. Peel cucumber, or not, to taste and slice into thin strips for color. Sliver the candied ginger. Mince the green pepper. Wedge and chop the tomatoes.

6. Layer salad and chicken into large bowl in an attractive manner with chow mein noodles and cashews. Add the kiwi, cucumbers, sliced ginger, green pepper and tomatoes and enjoy.

May be served with or without additional Newman's Sesame and Ginger dressing. I didn't think it needed it particularly.

Cuisine: American
Type(s): Barbecue/Grilling , Brunch , Main Dish , Meat , Poultry , Salad , Side Dish , Low-cal , Vegetables , Favorites , Original , Low Carb , Family/Historic

Author: Sondra Prowett
Source: Original

this recipe was produced using: Recipe Manager - Your Cooking Companion


Of course the 3 or 4 recipes I've read that are similar to this use tea in them somehow, but the last time I tried that it just tasted like I was trying to eat aromatic dirt in my salad...maybe I should have soaked the chicken in the steeped tea? But the recipe called for actually putting the TEA LEAVES in the salad. I'll never figure this stuff out. Oh well, just gives my family more to scratch their heads over as they catch me going down for the count.

For those in the know...they are taking bets now and tilting me in general directions of soft areas to land, "just in case." Sheesh! no respect!

That's the world right now for a puzzled goddess whose headed off to dream land. zzzzzzz.....

Levelling the energy

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

This is pretty stream of conciousness. It's the morphine and the temperature of 102....it tends to make me free associate weird thoughts...

People talk about energy levels all the time as if they understand them. As if energy would miraculously appear out of thin air and pump them up and they could go on and do more and be more. The say things like, "I'm getting my second wind." Or, "I hit a wall." I drink in the chi of the universe. Feel the energy flow....

Most of the energy flow I feel is right out of my body...and of course it bites me in the ass on the way out.

I remember my disability insurance company trying to send a private investigator to investigate my claim quite a few years ago. It was soon after my dad died. Karmic timing as usual.

It was laughable in retrospect. At the time, I found it far from funny that this physically active 20 something single guy who had never had kids, a college education, tried to be supermom, been a computer professional, or been any kind of professional for that matter since he couldn't even keep a scheduled appointment, was the one that was putting the hammer of judgement down on my life.

He looked around at an overweight mom, who barely had insurance to pay for her medication to keep her disability under control and her meds that would keep her alive, that couldn't do much housework and had 2 children under the age of 7 in an apartment 1/3 the size of the house they had lost in the bankruptcy the disability had forced them through. The apartment might as well have been used to shoot a scene from "Cops" in it. A husband that was fighting his own disability issues, but working full time.

The investigator met with me once or twice and cancelled one appointment. Then told the insurance company I wasn't cooperative and obviously wasn't disabled because I wouldn't meet him on 2 hours notice when he rescheduled an appointment in a town 10 miles away and I couldn't drive. But I was a flake in his mind because I had broken teeth and couldn't afford dental insurance and spoke of only having so much energy in a day to get me through.

When you look ill, or run a temperature, people expect you to go lie down. When you look....say it with me....JUST FINE! People make all sorts of judgements. They'll expect you to remain self-sufficient and when you aren't, they'll ask what they can do to help, but God forbid you actually have worked out an answer or call on them for help. That's when the excuses come out.

I guess I've been lucky? I can count the times my immune system has been healthy enough for me to run a temperature in the last ten years on my fingers. You'd think, because it's so rare, that I would immediately lie down and try to get better. Wrong! If I'm running a temperature I'm actually probably in BETTER shape than I am normally, at least my immune system is fighting.

I was running a temperature of 102-105 degrees the 10 days we had to move out of our home while it was being foreclosed. I didn't have the luxury of checking into the hospital. Luckily, my sister and niece helped my husband and I a bit and my parents watched our kids a bit or we would have lost everything else we owned. No one else could help. I still remember how dark that time was. I was very bitter about it for a long time. I felt like I had failed my family, lost our home, and lost all our friends all at once. I collapsed into bed in the den of my parent's home for about 3 months after we loaded up and moved all our stuff and got through the bankruptcy hearings. I don't remember much from that time but physical and emotional pain.

I'm only dwelling on this now I think because I'm trying to put things behind me and move on with my life. The bitterness is doing me no good. With the new meds, I'm out of the pain haze enough that I'm thinking again so I'm remembering more than just the day to day which makes me sad for all the people that I thought I knew. Because I'm dealing with the pain clinic again, I'm required to go into therapy, again, even though the therapist doesn't seem to think he has much to teach me. I'm sure there is...I've had 47 years to screw up this psyche...there's got to be something in there for him to fix! He's another one that I want to introduce this book to tho'. He seemed so absolutely floored that I could speak coherently and string two sentences together. And if I'm what he thought of as being a very cognizant and highly intelligent patient who had all my faculties....I'd hate to see what he deals with the rest of the time.

There are so many holes...so many holes were the pain has eaten through my brain and the cobwebs just can't spin to close them fast enough.

I'm running temperatures again, which means my immune system is the healthiest it's been in a year or two. Viva narcotics! I had so adapted to living with the pain and the lack of energy that I had forgotten why I wanted to live a life.

I have good days and bad days. The bad days had way started to outnumber the good and when I was delegating most of my living...I didn't really feel like I was living... I don't wait to recover anymore, I guess that's the biggest lesson I've learned. It's the lesson my husband hates the worst. He considers it giving in. I consider it adapting to the new situation and moving on.

It's time to adapt to the new pain level and move on. Luckily, the current level of narcotics allows me a breather for awhile to do that....3 months ago I didn't feel optomistic enough to have that option.

Now it's off to see what my fever induced dreams want to tell me....
from the goddess of night sweats or day mares

It's all in your head.... Really!

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Just Fine....

"Since family or friends cannot see the illness, how can it exist? And how can someone believe that the illness is real if everyone around them doubts or scrutinizes it?"

Same book, different quote. I lived this quote for so long. With every migraine, every paralyzing muscle ache I couldn't explain, until even I wondered if I was causing myself to feel the pain and started to blame myself for putting myself through this rats' maze of doctors, doubts, and debillitating illness. I thought I must be mentally ill or I wouldn't want to be sick like this, right?

I remember the same kinds of reactions when I was a kid and finally got diagnosed with a "nervous stomach." Now I just live on immodium, preperation-H, and peppermint tea. Then, I always assumed I was at fault, hmmm, I guess I kinda do now too, lol...guess I haven't grown up as much as I'd hoped, huh?

[if you have a little know illness or condition, and if the symptoms are not visibly apparent, the reactions you receive can change dramatically. "Those with hidden illnesses are often treated with disbelief and thought to be hypochondriacs, whiners, malingerers, or difficult patients," says Higgins. {Bejai Higgins} They can sometimes receive dismissive medical treatment. These discounting reactions from health professionals, and sometimes the patient's family and friends, can begin to generate self-doubt. Self-doubt, left unchecked, can lead to depression and isolation.]

Hmmm, that self doubt thing always sucks. I always have to wonder, do I REALLY want to spend the majority of my life in pain and struggling just to get out of bed?

.....HELL NO! Days like the last few are a good way to answer that!

I finally have a bit of pain relief with going back to one of the old anti-seizure meds I was on years ago that I became accustomed to (so it stopped working) and they added some slow release narcotics to the mix. While I prefer to be in control of the narcotic release so that I can use them only when I really need them, I have to say that I'm getting more done today housework-wize than I have done in months. But I have to constantly counsel myself to be careful, not to overdo just because the pain is in the background.

A good day does not mean a cure...all these litanies have now become part of my internal mantra, because otherwise I try to fight all those doubters and all those judging eyes and push myself WAY past what I should do and pay for it for weeks to come.

For years I listened to the people, and my own head that said, "if I think healthy, then I'll be healthy. If I don't think about my depression, it will go away." This may work to some extent to help me summon energy, and it's helping me do chiqong to try to get the nerve impulses rerouted around my damaged disks in my neck, but I also need to deal with the reality.

The years I've spent fighting this have actually made this so much worse and made my illness so much harder to deal with.

If the energy I'd put into pretending I wasn't in pain or was well had been put into healing or increasing my energy like I did very early on, before I stopped trusting myself, I might have come to an accomodation with this and been able to balance my energies instead of spiralling into depression and starting to believe the sarcastic and mean things that people whisper.

For some reason, the more things that you have wrong with your body, the less sick you are thought to be...somehow that's a medical community correlary. It holds true in the real world too. Maybe it's just that people expect lies to be complicated and so if you're really sick and it's complicated they think you must be lying? I don't know....just trying to think of some excuse for the crappy subliminal attitudes over the years. ;D

I've gotten to where I don't want to say much of anything to anyone because they'll have that long suffering look that says, "here she goes again, another laundry list of symptoms. What is it NOW?"


[They feel that the illness is their fault, and this is often a belief that is confirmed by others. Even their doctors can sometimes not locate a reason for their pain or discomfort or the array of symptoms they are experiencing. And sadly, sometimes their spouses do not and cannot understand the illness.]

The blame game and being at fault, oh boy do I understand that one! Wow, how many times have I offered to give my husband a divorce? Not because I hate him and our kids, far from it, because without having to deal with all the issues of my disability and medical problems their lives would be much smoother. Luckily, Rick is more understanding than I probably would be in his position, though I hope I would be better than some I've met. (Maybe I'm paying back Karma for being a judgemental bitch in another lifetime? hmmm?)

So often it comes down to a choice, would you rather mom did this, or that. Went to this game, or was with the family for a weekend. Medicated herself to attend your school concert, or had a family picnic with you? Did the laundry, or made a family dinner?

I and Rick have worked it out to a fairly good degree. And we are pretty well aware of the realities of living with this thing called disability that tries to suck so much life from our family. I am lucky in that we both believed in the vows we took. We're still waiting for the "in health" part to come around....

The kids have learned responsibility, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. They have compassion. They have also learned impatience for having this alien THING that takes over part of their family whether they want to allow it or not. But the kids actually get more quality talk time with me than I ever did with my parents. This may not be a good thing according to them. ;D They actually have told me that they appreciate me keeping an accomplishments/pain level chart up on the fridge because it gives them some idea of what I'm dealing with and they don't have to be detectives to figure it out.

In 1996, with a toddler and a newborn, with Rick being a house husband, having a doctor refuse to sign a return to work order for me was the worst wake up call I have ever gotten. It destroyed my sense of self worth. We lost our home, went bankrupt. I lost my career, my livelihood, my friends, my social life. Hell, I even lost the ability to balance a checkbook! (I still struggle with that monthly. No wonder they didn't want me managing multi-million dollar projects....hehehee!)

So much of my sense of self-worth was tied up in my career, and now I can't even solve simple problems in life without anxiety attacks. If I push to do more than 2 or 3 hours of ANY activity per day, I have to recover for multiple days....those are the ones other people don't see.

Yet there are still many people who are convinced that I can just, "get up off my fat, lazy ass and get a job and support my family, and I would be just fine." Yes, that's a direct quote. It was only said to my face once, but God, I've seen it in so many eyes over the years, heard it in so many questioning voices, in so many insincere offers of help....

The person who said that to me is reaping what they sewed. I personally am hoping that all of those that have had those kind of non-compassionate thoughts about a situation they really know nothing about don't ever have to live in this kind of agony to learn their mistake. I can't even wish this on them.

Our family time and leisure time has been totally hamstrung to cater to what mom has energy to do. I have to be careful and remember to not overdo things when I'm medicated because I'll pay for it with the exhaustion when I come down.

It's taken me years and I'm still only now overcoming the guilt that it was my body that failed my family this way and that I'm the one that has to be constantly accomodated.

Can we please go back to it being all in my head?

from the puzzled goddess of painful truth

Castles are kewl...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
Or not. We got to hold an event this last weekend at the Husum Castle in Washington. Very cool place. It's normally rented out for weddings, but we have an in. ;D

It was a kick to wander around in garb at a location that was closer to medieval than most things in this country.

Here's Kerryk in front of what I believe is the south face of the castle.

We spent most of the day feasting and merry making in the castle's main room.





The stairs down to the kitchen were curved and narrow in the tower.





While the kitchen itself was small.


On the opposite side of the castle from the kitchen access is the main building which has 4 floors plus a basement.

Each floor has a bedroom suite and a bathroom. At the very top is a party room that is open to the outside air and has a small, "musician's gallery" off of one corner in the top of the tower.

All in all it was a fun day, we got to hear epic poems, songs, and stories; play games; participate in lampwork bead making; and eat lots of good food!

from a puzzled goddess feeling medieval...

SCA Events and Wow! What wordy people we all are . ..

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

But then I have friends with such insightful things to say! I am finally caught up on all the blogs I try to follow...I think.

I have to apologize for being out of it for the last few weeks. My eyesight is pretty well shot and my cold is still lingering.

We did manage to get to an SCA event this last weekend. It's been one we've looked forward to, Yule Feast, hosted by the Baronies of Stromgard and 3 Mountains. One more step closer to becoming a real group out here on the Oregon side of the Gorge. We got to petition their excellencies Alfric and Jill to support our efforts. We now look to having our efforts published and proclaimed in the Portland area for a few months, and if people don't object we'll be able to submit our name and device and file our paperwork. Then it will be the turn of Kingdom and Crown to see if we will be real. ("Oh, if only we could be a real group!" lol)

We gave gifts and had fun. I tried my hand at period cookies for their excellencies Stromgard. Her Excellency Reginleif was amazingly sweet for trying the cookies immediately. I doubt she could have been at all hungry considering the excellent feast that was there, but I finally got my chance to make truly period cookies. (For those who are wondering, "Jumbals" and it was either from, "To the King's Taste" or, "To the Queen's Taste." I think the latter based on the time period of the reference, but I'm too lazy to go look it up again right now.) Kerryk gave their Excellencies Three Mountains some of his fine blackberry liquor, and we had handmade glass beads, a beaded necklace, a period game board, some apple brandy(? I think) and more of the cookies. Alfric is a diabetic, as are Kerryk and I, so the food items will probably get passed on, heck it's largess, it will all probably get passed on.

Kerryk DID try to give away Cedryk during the ceremony, over his strenuous objections, but the Baron wasn't taking. :) {I don't think anyone but Francessca noticed me trying to give her away. ;D} I finished the scroll with time to spare and we got to bring it home! Now I get to look at all the things I did wrong until we have a new seneschal for the group and we can pass it on! :) I'll blog later about the scroll and how it turned out.


We had a wonderful time talking to old friends and making new ones. Kerryk and Cedryk were glued to the fighting (I have 60 pictures of one fighter's armor so that I can make a gambeson like his for Cedryk. *grin*) Francesca was helping out and enjoying seeing friends from past events. She even got to sit on St. Nicholas' lap! I, being a creature of habit, painted on charters, ate, talked, and ate. :)






Mom Elfwyn made sure to share the period porn she found with my family LOL and got her grandson to cringe. (Notice the fingers are SPREAD over the eyes though!)









Wirawen danced divinely and it was like poetry. There was live music most of the day and even some dancing. Sven One Eye won the cooking contest. The marzipan was shaped and some spiced and placed on 2 big trays and disappeared! lol Chrodek and his family were there and we got to sit close enough together that we could share conversation. So, all in all, it was a great event.

And for those who let the weather forecast frighten them...since when have the weathermen been accurate? lol We didn't have any bad weather or snow until 3 or 4 hours after we got home! (Though you wouldn't know it by the number of times my big sister called me to check on me. *grin* She's inherited my mom's worrying tendencies, ouch!)

until next time from a very medieval feeling puzzled goddess

I have been flogged back to the keyboard...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

even though the Goddess of Everything is a very nice lady, she is a strict taskmistress. (NO, not in any BD/S&M way! get your minds back up in the gutter with the rest of us...where it's crowded!)

She actually reminded me that it's been almost a month/over a month since I posted. I'm still sick, the kids are still around and Rick hasn't left me yet. All good! LOL

I will say that we had a good visit with an old friend who was home from Iraq for a few days. Have been following his book, it's doing very well. (Thanks for giving the boy advice on his future. He's so intense it's scary sometimes.)
But I blush to say I haven't kept up on the blogs that he and his wife write in the last few weeks. (Sorry guys!) I seem to have been doing my level best to cough a lung up or lose an eye.

My girl is taking a break from sports for herself and has taken a job as the scorekeeper for the basketball team. So she gets to see more of the games than we do!

The boy is playing basketball (or not playing this last week because I don't want his ankle permanently injured!) Currently he's very irritated with mom, cuz mom won't let him play or practice on his sprained ankle...cuz the boy has NO concept of when to quit and give it a rest, and his coach won't make him sit out when the drills are rough on an ankle that has been permanently injured since October Football season. We discovered the kid is a bit flat footed and pronates his foot when he's running. Orthodics correct some of it, but the start and stop drills are hard on ankles that aren't totally used to running in the correct position yet. :) So mom is the bad guy.

I'll just have to deal. I'd rather he and his teammates were irritated with me now, than find out when he's 18 that his ankle isn't up to the career he wants to follow. He's got the typical sports mentality of ice it, tape it, bandage it, if the pain is tolerable keep playing....hmmm wonder where he got that (speaks the woman with a leg scarred from a legiment repair and who spent part of every season in an ankle brace or nursing broken toes or fingers. Playing through pain is one thing, but continuing to injure a joint and keeping it too weak to heal is something else entirely.

This picture is unusual for a game in that he is standing almost still while his teammate is zipping by.

This second one is much more indicative of the shots I normally get. :)

He's lost about 20 lbs between football and basketball...and he has muskcles! He's almost not my baby anymore! (*whine*) I think all the weight is being redistributed in his arms and shoulders!

Sorry, I wasn't going to make this whole post about the boy, but it's what I'm thinking about right now.

from a sneezy puzzled goddess

Musical peace train time...take 2

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I messed up and posted this before I wanted to...so sorry, will schedule it correctly now. :)

I was just reminded tonight (or a night or two ago!) of how much I loved Cat Stevens' music when I was younger. (Won't say how much younger or how long ago!)

My musical taste must have atrophied many years ago, at least according to my son. :) I REALLY like most of Cat Stevens' music still, and Janis Ian, and Harry Chapin.

I remember my freshman year of college, my roommate and I would call the radio station constantly and request that Harry Chapin's, "Taxi," and then, "Sequel (to Taxi)," be played...over and over. I think my roommate had major patience with me! :) [Thanks to the Goddess of Everything!]


Sequel can be found here.

I recently replaced one of the major Janis Ian albums that I had originally on *blush* 8-track and cassette. At one point I had all her music; I've since discovered that she has more out! Again thanks to the Goddess of Everything for posting one on her MySpace that I didn't recognize!

A scan of YouTube has reminded me of how many of these ballad singers I loved in the past. It is actually music that is still pleasant for me to listen to, even when the head is pounding, which is absolutely amazing considering I normally wince at any music played because it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. Kind of like my son's taste in Speedmetal....NOT mom's taste, which he is heartily glad about! LOL

I listened to a new band, the one that's on his profile at myspace...the band's called Five Finger Death Punch...he likes their song, "The Way of the Fist."

I don't care for it, but I did listen to their song, "The Bleeding," and actually liked the melody of it...I could have done without the screaming in the chorus, but it was a good song.


The song by 5FDP that I think the lyrics really would have resounded with me as a teenager is, "Never Enough," I SO could relate to the feeling expressed in the song, and sometimes, I wonder if our son doesn't feel that way too when we push him so hard to live up to his potential. He's such a good kid.


And on the distaff teenage music front, my daughter recently was checking out Pink. I've got to say I was guilty of judging an artist by their looks...I LOVE the video, "Stupid Girls." My daughter thought the lyrics and the video were hilarious.

She actually had a Seether song played at her Step up ceremony last year. Shock of shocks, I like Seether and discovered them about the same time my kids did! LOL She's such a smart and responsible kid that it was kind of a shocker for her to choose, "Six Gun Quota." But then, I like the song too! :)


Anyway, I've now posted enough links that if you actually follow them, they'll keep you busy for an hour. :)

love and music from a puzzled goddess

Puzzled addiction...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
I've become a puzzle addict. Don't get me wrong. I've always liked puzzles. 3D castles being a favorite. But just about any shot of a castle would do. Or those ones with the strange edges.

The only problem with puzzling has been having the room to lay out the pieces. When we lost the house and moved into so much smaller quarters, I lost the puzzle habit. I got it back for a bit at the Beaverton Apartment, but the puzzles were boxed up in the move and now sit languishing in the games closet with all those other things we don't really do anymore. :)

I tried the internet puzzle thing, a LONG while ago and it was pretty lame, so I thought I needed to continue puzzling in the big blue room.

WRONG! I got hooked into setting up on facebook (my kids call it the geriatric myspace! but I've got a myspace too even though Tom is still one of my friends...yes, I'm pathetic.) So anyway, I have been slowly adding an application or two to have fun on facebook and meet new people, etc.

(I got tired of my husband and one of my writing friends beating my @ss at pathwords and word twist all the time!) So puzzlebee came about! Yay! I can even use my own pictures and play with Adobe 8BF filters in Irfanview. (I'm cheap...with my budget I'm all about the FREE stuff!) Xero graphics has some very cool freeware filters.

This is fun! This ap lets you turn the pieces and reorient them. I'm not the fastest puzzler in the world, but I'm having fun doing them.

Here's one of the pictures I've taken in the Gorge that I didn't like...so I messed with it until I did! LOL

\

Create your own puzzles at PuzzleBee.com!

so bye for now from a puzzle(d) goddess :)

So what's with a perfect life...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Weird quizes people put up on the internet. I got suckered into another one. The title just got to me...How perfect is your life? It made me wonder. I think my life is pretty damn good! I love my family and my friends and do what I can.

According to these people, my life is

Your results...

Your Life Is 55% Perfect

You have a pretty good life, but you could undoubtedly be happier with it in certain areas.

I'm not going to take it again and figure out how to get a 100% life...they make you invite other people on facebook to see your results in order for you to see your own, which is a crock. But I was curious. :)

I'd assume their definition of perfect has to do with satisfaction and health and positive relationships and money and success.

Thinking about it, I'm probably not the success I wanted to be, but I wouldn't trade my family for anything.

from a puzzled goddess who thinks her life is closer to 75% (at least today!)

Punch drunk in the past...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Feelin' a bit whoosy tonight, probably left over meds and fatigue. But got some good bonding time with the family tonight. The kids went to practice and brought home another freshman from their class who needed some homework help.

He's a good kid. He's made some wrong choices in the last few years...like getting to 17 with 2.5 credits toward high school graduation. [It wasn't important, Obviously no one had ever explained how much it was, and gotten it through to him!] He is in most of the kids classes and seems to pick it up well. He's not stellar, but I've seen MUCH worse. And he hates feeling stupid so he's gone back to school so he doesn't have to feel that way. Probably smartest decision the kid ever made.

If he keeps up with it, the whole family has told him he's more than welcome to come over and study with the kids. We sometimes still talk about assignments and I learn stuff. :) Did you know how much science has changed in 25 years? I'm finding out!

The boy's got some of the concerns with having groupies/followers/stalkers/puppydogs whatever you want to call them, that the girl has been dealing with for quite a few years in various degrees. She's gotten much more compassionate to people who are outsiders though, she's had to deal with being a bullied outsider since we moved to this little school with many strangely raised children. She's a freak, but a freak with followers now and so finds some acceptance. Plus, she's discovered the wonderful feeling of being the BEST at something. SHE is the BEST in her school at scholastics. Not the quickest learner, but the one who listens and follows through and is responsible and thinking.

The boy isn't that geared to wanting to put a label on himself. He's a natural student (unfortunately it comes too easy to him), a natural athlete (though he does have to work to be a starter at his age) and he's a natural leader, being a boy with a strong sense of right and wrong and a genuine hero complex. He's been having to deal with 'followers' for years, and while it drives him nuts, he's been as pleasant as he could. And in some cases, he's even been the one following.

He's got a friend currently who is far from social adept (I'd have to say total social gamer geek.) This guy wants to be joined at the hip from the time they get to school until the boy goes to football practice. The kid isn't sports oriented, it's all video games...which is the trap we are working to get our son out of. We want him playing and moving in the real world.

It's taken this kid 2 years, but he's almost totally run my son's patience away. We keep counselling to redirect the conversations you don't want to participate in toward another subject. Be polite and don't cut him down, and may like hey, c-o-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e and tell him that he's increasing your stress by constantly bringing gamer talk to school when you want to socialize with other people and learn different things about the world.

For instance, he's LOVING football. A sport he's never been exposed to and is barely on for 5 seconds as we flip through channels at our house! But he's loving it and wants to spend some time getting immersed in it with his teammates.

It's a really grown up, and could be an emotionally hurtful situation to have to deal with to get him the reduction in anxiety and space the boy feels he desparately needs right now.

Their reactions as children of this modern age are so much better and kinder than mine were at the same age. I would have wanted to be kind, but I'm not sure I could have looked far enough beyond myself to do so. I wasn't nearly as responsible as the ones we've raised. [Hmmm. guess video games and TV might be good for something after all, and discussion of honor, chivalry and reading to them all about the Lord of the Rings and the Knights of the Round table....who'd a thunk it? *grin*]

from a puzzled goddess who can't do much more than advise.

ILTG!

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

For those who don't have internet savvy teenagers....ILTG stands for "I lost the game." The game is a silly activity that is kind of zen in its simplicity. If you think about it tilted on its side. :)

There are only really 2 rules to this game. When you think about the game, you lose. When you lose, you announce it to those around you and they lose too! Silly I know. But try yelling it out in a science fiction movie line sometime, or at an anime convention or sci fi con....bet you get alot of echoes! The stories about the game are numerous.


I just had to post this, because I know my dear hubby will read it and LOSE THE GAME! He of the myspace bulletin posts of "BTW....I lost the game." Brat.

post from a puzzled goddess who ALWAYS loses the game...

Tatting, 'tatoes, and too much sun...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

We had a great Saturday in the park. And no, it wasn't the 4th of July. (for you older folks, you'll get it...the younger ones have no hope. *grin*) There were no fireworks but much fire.

As those who know us are aware, my family and I are involved in the Society for Creative Anachronism and are trying to start a new group in the Columbia River Gorge area of Oregon. We are trying to have an informal, no fee, park potluck each quarter of the year. We also hold monthly meetings for those wanting to learn about the medieval at the Pietro's in Hood River on the first Thursday evening of each month...so if you are in the area and interested in the Middle Ages we are trying to generate interest to become an "official" SCA group. :) We're close to filling out our formal paperwork!

Anyway, done with the rank plug for the local SCA. We had a GREAT time yesterday! I would have blogged last night, but I was so tired that I came home, unpacked a bit, and made the hubby take us out for pizza at our favorite pizza place in Stevenson, Washington, Andrew's. They have pretty good pizza and the owner, Derek, occasionally sits in with a folk/blue grass group sometime in the middle of the week. (I don't remember the night 'cuz we've only caught it sporadically. But it's lots of fun!)

Last night there sound system was set to Sirius radio, and they were playing 80's hits. It made the hubby and I laugh. We got to try to guess the group and song. (I cheated and read the screen, while he tried to guess!) It allowed us to have great conversation with the two teenagers about our teen years and music. (I still dislike most of the death metal my son likes, but guitar hero has given our family a new topic of conversation. *grin*)

Wow, how's that for a change in topic? This was all supposed to be a lead-in to talk about the "August in the park" event that we had on Saturday! So I guess I'll talk about that! LOL

One of our newer attendees actually gave us all a demonstration of glass bead lampworking! It was so cool! I just wish I'd had more time to sit and watch, because I have always been interested in it. She made such a beautiful bead for my daughter! She's got a Norse personna and has such a cool apron dress and treasure necklace!

We had other visitors from across the river. Our neighbors of Village Vindrbek and their families. It was so great that they jumped right in and were so willing to participate in it all. Here's Chrodec and Epona fighting! I took all kinds of pictures of the day and ended up, as usually happens, not getting one of myself. LOL

I DID get pictures of the family!


We made some new friends had some fun and I got a tatting demo from a new friend, Maja. It looks a bit intimidating, but maybe I'll get my courage up and try it. She has a great story that she tells as she tats about how we are women, connected to women in the past and linked to women in our future. I wish I remembered it all, but, with the meds, my memory sucks.

I swear to all the gods that I spent less than 15 minutes total in the sun yesterday. I hate the fact that the meds make me super sun sensitive. This is not natural color! At least I didn't stay out long enough that it was lobster red. I can't believe that this light color hurts almost as much as the lobster red did when I was younger.

We did eat WAY too much food. There was a wonderful Leek and Potatoe pie that won the people's choice vote in the cooking contest entered by WirAwen from across the Great AnTir River. Then the period cooking contest was won by Megan with her lovely and nummy tasting blackberry tarts! Good eats! We found some tankards to give out and much encourage future entries into contests...a shameless plug by the local Minister of Arts and Sciences!

Our guests from Vindrbek gave us some cool gifts that will definitely show up as prizes for an upcoming event. All kinds of good food, good fun and good company.

a medieval minute from a puzzled goddess, blessings to you all.




Update: Somebody Caught me there! LOL

Copycats R' us...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Okay, he found another personality quiz that got me curious. Sometimes these things are fun. For sheer mystery factor I'd love to say I was River or the Shepherd, but I kinda suspected this would be the result I got. At least this one has me as a girl! And not the cannibal.

Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)

Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 80% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 80% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 65% Wash (Ship Pilot) 65% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 55% River (Stowaway) 40% Alliance 30% Inara Serra (Companion) 30% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 20% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 20% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15%	Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.
Click here to take the "Which Serenity character are you?" quiz...

May you all have blessings from a puzzled goddess...who knows there are WAY too many personality quizes out there to do them all....thank the gods :)

No time and party lines...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Not much time to write the last day or so. It seems like I've been running since the kids went to visit friends on Tuesday. This last Saturday afternoon my dh and I got to spend the day with good friends sharing stories, laughing and catching up. We had a phone call from our missing friend overseas and actually gave him much hilarity amid some serious moments of conversation. It was nice to hear his voice and know he was okay.

This group gets together every August and celebrates all the birthdays in that month. Normally with gag gifts, but sometimes fairly cool ones. It's a way to catch up once a year and find out how everyone's doing. The egg sushi won the race and we have much video evidence of the fun. For those who have never raced wind-up sushi....you're not missing much :)

The moon maiden did tell me that she found a cool new pagan alphabet book for her young son. (I'm going to have to get the name. But this might be it.) Here is a website though with one that's a bit different. I think this is such a clever idea, and I wish that I had thought to get something similar for my kids when they were that age! Here is a list of books for pagan kids from the Erudite Pagan. It makes me thankful to live in the age of the Internet where resources like this are becoming available to help us educate ourselves and our children.

Most of the books we tried to share with our children had the same kinds of themes though: respecting themselves, respecting others, respecting the earth, and the big one that we emphasize over and over, taking responsibility for your own actions.

May you all have strength and whatever guidance you require to follow the path of your spirit.

Blessings to you all from a puzzled goddess