26 July, 2008


Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Okay, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. A friend of mine did this in his blog and was puzzled by his result. Now I understand why.

I am soooo not Superman....the MAN of steel? Hah! Never!

Now, Wonderwoman I can buy...but look how far down the list she is! Sucky! CATWOMAN is higher! Catwoman?

Of course, if I think about it, (that thinking thing is kind of hard some days) most superheroes are of the male persuasion...that stinks. Of course, if superheroes were all female, they'd probably all be called "mom". :)

Your results:
You are Superman

Green Lantern
Wonder Woman
The Flash
Iron Man
You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

25 July, 2008

Sipping at the virtual stream and throwing rocks...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Okay, some days this goddess must admit she's slower than others....but I really think that little hot spot on the top of the screen that takes you to the next blog is kinda cool. And it takes you to a different one each time.

It's like sticking your fingers in a virtural stream and coming out with a cool, new, shiny rock every time. Sometimes the rock's kinda dirty, sometimes it's pure white and others it's totally incomprehensible.

Yeah, I pulled up a polo shirt sales blog, a boyscout troop in the Appalachians, a french zombie girl, an LA mansion that rents to the Hispanic population for partie
s and a Hispanic dance group that looked like they were having a lot of fun! *grin*

The main artwork on this one http://nocheestrellas.blogspot.com/ was really cool. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a photoshopped picture, or a drawing.

It did what art is supposed to do; it made me catch my breath and stop and think. The lighting, pose and use of the musical symbols to clothe the model made me think of catching the muse of dance (
Terpsichore, aint the Internet wonderful?) in an introspective moment. All without being able to understand a word that was written on the page.

Of course, if I was a petty goddess I'd be jealous of all those blogs of the vacationing families and the beautiful places they see. (me green with envy? of course not) Instead I'll just soak up how beautiful the pictures are and be glad that people DO appreciate some of what they have....they wouldn't be bragging about it otherwise, right?

Back on throwing these rocks, I keep thinking it can wait until another day.

But It's that parenting thing and trying to successfully get across a message to a teenage hero. I'm having trouble convincing him that not everyone else is like that or has that ambition, but that it doesn't make them bad people....just different. He really gets disappointed in people he cares about not having the same limitless depth of want, no need, to make the world a better place.

As a mom, I think I made a mistake using the, "whoever among you who is without sin. Let them cast the first stone." line.

Teenagers are young enough to still believe they are without sin (of course they are, and they are right all the time as well, and nobody has ever had it as bad as they do and people just don't understand...but back to the topic at hand....)

A few years back when I was telling the kids to get batman out of the toaster I never thought I would be having introspective conversations with my teenagers the like of which I haven't experienced since the all-nighters during college when we were avoiding studying.

How do you explain to a budding hero who has so many good intentions that the people he wants to spend his life saving are just people and that not everyone will want to do the same? Saving the world is such a noble goal, but if you are up on a pedestal while doing it, how
many people are you missing in the dirt? Or, are you so far above them that crushing them is like stepping on an ant? How do you instill compassion in a young man who feels the world's pain so deeply that all he wants to do is alleviate it? and thinks that everyone else feels that deeply too.

I think the Christian analogies were probably the wrong way to go, but the Rede and the Rule sometimes don't give a mom the answers. If you don't mind being judged because you are that righteous in your own heart, how does the rule affect you?

a puzzled goddess like me still has trouble figuring this stuff out...

and I'm putting this picture in just 'cuz I want to...my sister did the design based on a woodcut by Holbein I believe and I did the painting for an SCA charter...but being on a biblical bent brought it to mind. :) The 4 horsemen riding across the sky is always an image of coolness.

Blessings all...pg

24 July, 2008

My five minutes of whining and an informative article....

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

No, I think I'll skip the parenting talk...it still scares the crap out of me and I still am contemplating the reasons why lions eat their young (as a friend of my was sure to tell his children many times! lol)

The story behind the five minutes of whining. There is a woman, Jacqui Saburido, who appeared on Oprah a few years ago. She was given such a bum rap in life, but she had such a positive attitude and such a beautiful spirit that she made an impact on me. She said that she allows herself 5 minutes of crying and self pity a day, that's it, no more time to feel sorry for herself...Well I decided that today I would SHARE my five minutes of allowable whining (Lucky you!)

So, I was forwarded a VERY cool article link today. http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=why-migraines-strike

I have to sheepishly admit that my attitude on seeing the email subject line and that it was an article on migraines made me think, "oh no, now I've got someone else sending me ideas on how to get better and the 'newest' wonder drugs that I was on 2 or 3 years ago..." I was wrong (sorry JD, but you don't know how many people, my entire life, or at least since I started getting migraines at 12 or 13, will xerox stuff, send me links, tell me about what worked for their brother, sister, niece or wife's cousin's husband!) a good goddess can apologize because I realize that every one of these efforts is out of the kindness of people's hearts and they truly do want to see me well so thank you.

For those who don't know me well, I've been a goddess all my life, but only really been puzzled since I had kids....seriously, I'm disabled because of migraines...I know, I know what some of you are thinking who haven't been there or done that or who even get them occassionally...how can someone be DISABLED because of a HEADACHE? Take some asprin, wish yourself better, gut up and ignore the pain, or click your ruby slippers together a time or two and pretend you aren't in Kansas.

Sorry for the sarcasm, but realize 1.) I have gotten 'classic migraines' since I was an adolescent. 2.) I have been keeping up with migraine research for as long 3.) I don't just get the 'occasional'
headache...that's what I got before I got pregnant and could hold down a career and be a good wife and mother, etc I get MIGRAINES (not headaches...I DO very much know the difference!) every FRICKEN goddess be damned day of my life and have for the past TWELVE YEARS....get that....12 years! I can count on my fingers the number of pain free days I've had during those years. I haven't had a pain free day in the last 3 years at all. I was overjoyed last month that I had a MORNING where my pain level didn't go above a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1-10.

On top of the migraine B.S. I have also had Fibromyalgia since I was 19...for years I could ignore the pain or 'work through it' but when 'working through it' involves raising blood pressure in your brain (bending over, exerting yourself in any way, etc) and increases the migraine pain past the bearable threshold, there is a tendency to JUST NOT DO IT....can we say PAIN.

So no, you can't get disabled from getting migraines....but yes, if you are one of the 2 people (I'm one of them) that I'm aware of in the nearest 150 miles who happens to have had their brain chemistry/function change to such an extent that they are getting these things EVERY day and has no let up no matter how many drugs they put you on or take you off or try again (I'll probably rant more about this later!) and if you happen to have another disabling condition that compounds your problems. Plus the ups and adds of high spinal pressure, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thyroid disease, now obesity, and the lovely new addition of disappearing Vitamin D reserves...you too could maybe ride the system and be bedbound in fricken agony almost every day of your life! (You can't tell that I get a bit PO'd at the way people treat me, can you?) Anyway, this concludes my alloted 5 minutes of allowable whining per day.

I truly do want to thank the friend that sent the article to me. I did learn some new things from it. I hadn't known some of the ins and outs of how the brain chemistry worked. I had discovered that epilepsy and migraines were related in ways the doctors didn't quite understand (many drugs now used for migraines were developed to treat epilepsy.) Anyway, very cool and interesting article for me...sorry if it bores you to tears :) goddesses like to get new information.

ttfn and blessings from a puzzled goddess

23 July, 2008

Symbols, signs, hypocrits, patriots, and lies...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I don't know whether to rant about religious freedoms and how sick I am of having other's beliefs shoved down my throat, or to confess how scaring being the mother goddess is to a teenage boy and girl....hmmm.

The rant is less petrifying!

Goddesses emerge! How often have you been in a blissful mood contemplating nature and had it ruined by some yay hoo creeping through talking up his version of god, the hearafter and damnation? Don't get me wrong; I don't have anything against, God, his hearafter or his damnation....I just see things from my own goddess slant and my views aren't nearly as ugly to my mind as theirs are (or as pedantic...nice word, pedantic...got to remember that! ;D )

I don't care what your religion is, if you are a 'good' person in this world trying to be peaceful and make the right decisions for yourself I admire you. If you are striving to protect the world and change it, I admire you....but when your "protection" takes the form of looking after my ever lovin' soul while you can spit and swear and be nasty to my face....I'll pray for you and that your sad soul will find some kind of enlightment and happiness from somewhere so you'll feel less like you have to rain on another's parade and to take charge of your neighbor's life, mind, and actions. My actions are my own and I stand prowd in defense of them.

I'm pretty darn patriotic for a goddess....I'm also pretty motherly to about every kid/adult I meet. The older I get, the less I want to judge people and the more I want to comfort them. Sgt Patrick Stewart's story just pissed me off... I was so glad that Celia actually wrote a song about this and some other things that have happened in our so 'enlightened' country.

This song might as well be an anthem for closet pagans. Coming out of the closet doesn't really affect me anymore, as a goddess, I'm above that.

But I worry about a town that has 6 churches for less than 2,000 people and how they will react to my children. My dd already gets enough crap for being intelligent, pretty, and resistant to taking off her Thor's Hammer....whew! I thought I was going to have to go to the school board over it during volleyball season. Even in MY day we were allowed to wear religious emblems during sports as long as we taped them down to our chests so they wouldn't bounce out and maybe hit an eye or catch a finger.

My ds is more laid back about confronting people on the issues of faith, but MUCH more judgemental about how they treat him. He sees no value in these Christian religions and what lessons they are teaching about behavior based on the kids and adults around him...I wish I could disagree with him. He's also managed to make the rabid Jehovah's Witness in his class tone down his rhetoric when they are together. My miltant son, R, has made him see that his beliefs DON'T give him the right to offend others about their beliefs. (Man, maybe my son should talk to Al Queda....oh hell no, they'd bomb us for sure and I'd be out a son!)

I want my children to understand Christianity because it is so pervasive in our society that they will need some of those references to function well. BUT, I also want my children to have the Pagan's higher calling...do what you will and it harm none...and to take the Rule of 3 to heart. Filling a heart with love and loving others and our planet is not just rhetoric to me....I really do try every day of my life. Sometimes I'm a b*tch goddess, or an angry crone goddess and don't quite have the compassion I'm trying for...but I hope to the gods that I judge less than the fanatics around me.

You know you've done something right as a mother goddess when your dd comes home from a summer bible study at a local church (her first ever last year!) and says, "It was okay mom, the people were fine....but I just didn't understand or agree with the way they kept saying to leave everything to God and he would take care of them, and that it was all God's decision...Mom, what happened to people taking responsibility for themselves? Don't Christian's have to do that too?"

Out of the mouths of pre-teens...I felt a proud moment, knowing that she had learned to think for herself and that faith without will and responsibility leaves a bunch of immature people running around waiting on someone else to pick up the pieces while they follow blind doctrine. (Yes, that's a little harsh, but I do read the Bible, and the Quaran, the I Ching, Wiccan books and just about any holy book I can get my hands on. Am still looking for a reasonable copy of the Book of Mormon to study and the Apocrypha.)

Who's going to pick up that piece of trash on the side of the road? (human being, hurt animal, or crying child) .....hmmm.....maybe those of us who see it and worry more about taking responsibility for the cleanliness of our enviroment than those who ignore it thinking that God will provide?

At least that's what this puzzled goddess thinks for now....next time why don't I talk about parenting....then I can talk politics after that and I can piss EVERYBODY off!

Blessing on you all from a puzzled goddess.

22 July, 2008

It's not quite a dead people garden, but...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

A friend of mine who has a talent for looking at the world in a slightly different way commented on the dead people garden in our town..."but when you water them, they don't grow." He said in a very confused voice to my son.

No, dead people gardens don't grow, but people do walk them and feel serene and at peace in them or they even used to picnic in them so that the whole family could be together. Whatever side of the veil they happened to be on :)
The only cemetery walk my family has done so far was discussed here:

My files of dead ancestors are a collection of "dead people." Most of them forgotten, and barely missed if that...But I always wondered about that picture of my mom dressed up like a gangster's moll in college on her way to a dance, the one of my dad at Bartow Air Force Base in front of the plane, the woman with my grandmother who nobody can really identify, and my two dead uncles who never made it out of infancy. Each one of their stories is a flower that I hope to make bloom for my family so that they have a solid sense of their foundation and where they come from.

I had a heart attack scare a few years ago...now most people who know me would say that I'm too young for that...well when goddesses are put on meds that make the heart go faster and on other meds that make the arteries get larger, others that make them smaller and still others that overwork the kidneys....the poor body gets confused...the final consensus was that it was probably esophogeal (sp?) spasming or a minor case of angina...huh...weird that the treatment was the same for either, Nitroglycerin that skyrocketted my pain scale so high for my migraine that I wanted to go right back into the ER and have them surgically remove my head!

But that's beside the point, the point kinda was that the experience of not being sure I would live to see my children graduate middle school, let alone high school or college, made me reassess my priorities, and what I might want to leave my children.

Thus, my rededication to trying to give my family their roots and the stories of their ancestors.

That was one of the few projects that I had in the works that I REALLY regretted not having in a more completed form...so the books went on hold, the art projects, the crafts, the time wasters and things that didn't directly allow me to interact with my family, or to give them the information that I so sorely missed when both my parents died so young.

I'm better now. LOL

If you want to read my few posts about genealogy for the Prowett family:
The main site is here:

For the Fuecker/Miller/Ward families:
The main site is here:

I've stopped adding the story to those pages, since space is limited on them. I keep them around because they give people a way to contact me if we might be related. (Doesn't everyone want to be related to a goddess?) In reality, a lot more is happening with the research for those families on private family only sites, so if you're related and interested in the main family lines (Fuecker or Prowett) contact me and we'll see about getting you an invite to the sites.

I've been so pain riddled the last few years that I've done very little new research, I'm still trying to catch up to the information so many wonderful people have sent me...I'll get there eventually, slow and steady. Adding color and scent to this garden of dead people that I seem to be cultivating. I think it's important that my kids will be able to look through the window of my words and reap a bountiful harvest. Nobody famous, or particularly colorful, just tough, brave, pig headed people who refused to give up.

While I'm looking and learning, I'll keep walking, enjoying the beauty of my surroundings and trying to understand these things called teenagers that have suddenly appeared in my life...

Blessings to all of you from a Puzzled Goddess...

21 July, 2008

Navel Contemplation, Bellybutton lint, and surprised by beauty.

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Spending much time lately contemplating my Facebook and Myspace and yahoo groups and yahoo sites (geocities) and the genealogy sites I have up for my family (2 built by me...4 or 5 built by others) and all the sites that pop up when I do a search on my name where I have expressed an opinion on an email list and it's been spidered. I'm now of the opinion that we've entered into the time of navel contemplation....all of us spend so much time looking at the back of our heads, or telling people what the back of our heads look like and how fun/grotesque/weird/humorous they are that we don't need to do much more in a day then contemplate our computer screen to have a pseudo zen psychiatry experience from our own computer chair.

This puzzled goddess will of course add to the confusion. I'll move the genealogy blogs I write over to this blog and let others who have no interest in that part of my life, pick and choose among the flotsam I choose to let them see.

I've discovered, now that my kids are teenagers, that I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong. Gee I must be really lucky that my kids aren't on drugs or in a gang doing a drive by right now. More on this parenting stuff later.

I really want to get to the importance of bellybutton lint. In my small world, I guess I figure if I'm surprised by belly button lint during a shower or bath that I just haven't been contemplating that navel nearly enough. I need to buckle down to some introspection and maybe my belly button will always be clean? nah...

A friend of mine is overseas as a contractor in those war torn countries and talked about being surprised by the beauty of some of his surroundings.

I live in one of the most scenic areas in many countries and I forget this joy of being surprised by the beauty around me, until I am reminded of all the ugliness that is around us. This is one of the views I see on a daily basis.

And my son, Rune, captured this beautiful sight that I put through an ultra-violet filter and cropped.
Blessings from a Puzzled Goddess