Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
As this summer is coming to a close and I look outside my air conditioned comfort at the sweltering big blue room, I can't help but think of all the other things in my life that are coming to a close, or closed.
I miss my parents. Having them gone feels like navigating through life without a net and no sense of balance. But did I ever appreciate them when they were around? Not really. And that makes me sad.
It has the benefit of making me want to stay in contact with the rest of my family; no matter how far away. But it's hard most times to know what to say. How do you get beyond the, "How you doin', " when every day is unrelenting pain. I don't have anything to say. I wanted YOU to distract me.
That's probably what I'm missing. My major distractions. They're visiting friends for 4 or 5 days and I've kept myself busy the entire time they've been gone. Until today. I don't know why I miss their little presences so much. Crap, half the time I can't pull them off their computers to join in a real world conversation. But it's probably that other half I miss. When they're giving mom sh*t and won't take my grumpy attitude without trying to kid or tickle me out of it. Kinda remind me of their dad that way.
They'll be back at school in a few days and I'll have my days to myself again. Just me and the houseful of animals that want constant rotating attention....but they don't tickle me, or giggle in their sleep, or come cuddle with me and talk about all kinds of serious stuff...just because they can. :)
Some of this introspection probably comes from the activity of the last few days, which have been trips down memory lane to college. I saw joanalita and we reminisced and I've been thinking a lot about other college buds that I don't see too often.
One who's in that hot country over across the ocean sharing his expertise; his wife who I'll get to see tomorrow with all the attendant craziness of their annual August gathering (that's the month, not anything snooty).
I'll get to see M and her husband J and their little one who's growing up on my computer screen through pictures his mommy sends. My husband and Baldric will spend the evening one-upping each other and majorly enjoying it and my husband will probably protest and say that HE's Baldric now!
All this introspection I blame on R and K, cuz if I hadn't been going through old pictures for the last 3 days to make a slideshow I wouldn't feel so weepy. But the pictures were cool.
I got to remember the Moody Blues, and Alan Parsons and walking around a silent town in the middle of the night. Dancing and feeling like we owned the floor and a gun behind my husband's back as he married me.
Watching all the kids grow up and change from those cuddly babies to individuals with feelings and thoughts and opinions (definitely opinions, they're our kids!)
So in my missing people mood today I'm going to try and remember that my kids' babyhood, toddler, and pre-teen years are done and it's time to bring out some different parenting skills and ramp it all up since HIGH SCHOOL IS COMING!
(Their mascot is the pirate....obviously!)
Blessings and many happy hours winding down from a puzzled goddess.
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