Pain, pain go away, come again some other day...but, send in the clowns

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Pain is not my friend. It may be YOUR friend, but it ain't mine! I was hoping against hope that clearing the aspartame toxins out of my body would mean more pain free or even pain tolerable days. This last week has definitely proved that hope to be in vain.

I've already cleaned out non-naturally occurring MSG. (with all it's attendant names they try to sneak through on the packaging...margarine, whipped MSG YUCK! Hydrolyzed Proteins and vegetable oils...yucky!)

I've dumped most, if not all, sources of nitrates, nitrites and sulfites and am weeding the list tighter on what packaged food can EVER make it into my house.

I only have about 4 restaurants I can eat at, most of them I have to special order and be careful of EVERYTHING. That's why Chang's Mongolian and the China Garden Buffet are such a relief. Chang's because I know everything that I put into the food, and China Garden because they use no MSG and so I can avoid other questionable ingredients.

I drink no sulfites; I don't eat preserved food. I stay away from heavy perfumes and paint or fresh tar smells. I avoid loud noises and bright lights and even much music most days. I try to walk (not as consistently as I'm supposed to *blush*)

But still I get bombarded by pain that won't let me think, won't let me sleep un-drugged and makes my memory like swiss cheese, and all I want to do is live a life with my family.

I know there are many people out there in worse pain, my cat, my sister, my mother-in-law...but the pain isn't helped by knowing there are more people out there feeling it or even who feel it worse. I can't judge anymore; there have been too many days of unrelenting pain, but as long as I keep joking and can manage to laugh around it I won't become the absolute b*tch I'm scared of turning into.

You know that nasty old lady that everybody avoids because all they can do is grump about themselves and how picked upon they are in their life. I REFUSE to turn into that....so b*tch slap me if I do (Not too hard tho' you'll throw out my neck again!)


Maybe that's why clowns paste on the smiles? I've done that. And I do it almost everyday on the theory of (what's above, so goes it below? ya know) so what's outside, eventually makes it to the inside, maybe? Especially when most people don't notice that the eyes have trouble smiling when the pain is that fierce. This is part of my most worthy goal to try and become less judgemental in my life and more compassionate...and you can't be compassionate and act witchy at the same time!

Though some days, (most days!) I will admit, that's a challenge....hmmm....wonder where I packed all those harlequin masks? Nah, with my karma, I'd probably get arrested while wearing them as an alleged bank robber or some other stupid shite!

in the face of a puzzled goddess who's going to take her sleeping pills, and pain pills, and muscle relaxers, and...