Bitchology...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
I had a great time last night, and last weekend, the weekend before, and the weekend before that...

All this summer socializing packed into a few weekends of seeing people I'd known for years and finally catching up because we all are in the right place, and space, at the right time.

We've made time to spend with family, and time to spend doing what we love in the current middle ages.

I also have been lucky enough to make some new friends that I'm coming to cherish as marvellous people who accept my slightly *cough* ascerbic wit, and my emerging compassion and can seem to understand that I'm trying to meld the two with the wisdom I've had to cultivate.

I don't think it's that I wasn't compassionate when I was younger, at least I would hope not. I would hope that it was that I was young, and arrogant, and being young and arrogant I was correspondingly impatient with the perceived weakness of those around me.

One of my best friends made the comment last night, "wow, S... is being more compassionate than I am, when did that happen?"

I understand that most people might have been insulted by this, but in my group of friends I was known as a tough bitch goddess who told it like it was...it was the only way I had learned to survive. I was brutal sometimes in the way I stripped people of their most cherished illusions, but the friends who stayed...mostly, loved that about me and the fact that, when they got inside my heart, I was this giant marshmallow who had a love and loyalty that stretched pretty much forever. I was the chief, I was mom, I was doomed to not be weak. Not even in my own mind.

That perception has changed over the years and it's only now that I'm working to rebuild my self image, but long term chronic illness has a tendency to do that in your life and this post is not about that struggle, or not entirely. ;D

Then another close friend told my daughter that I once was going to write a book called, "Bitchology." It sounds like something I would have said, but the title was probably all his, 'cuz he's a hell of a lot cleverer with words than I am. ;D

I think I could have made the book a hit...I think I could still make the book a hit! It's a great title! There is something to be said for being a bitch. My daughter has been gifted that title by my friends and she preened under it, and they praised her saying they were glad she knew it was a compliment.

And I think it is, because I think sometimes in this world that being 'bitch' is just another word for being a forthright, alpha female who can hold her own in the world. It will cause her problems. It already has.

But I would say much better bitch than victim if I have the choice between the two. Those were my choices, not my daughters', but I could only raise her as I knew to be raised as a female. She was a "girlier" girl. And she didn't have the sports opportunities that I did. She is so much more organized than I ever was and so much more her own person. I was very dependent on my friends' opinions, my family's opinions, everyone's opinions... but my own.

Seeing friends from long ago and seeing glimpses of our faces from long ago in them, I see the continuity and the beauty.

Being with old friends I just plain had fun catching up and hearing about all the stuff I haven't heard and where they've been and what they've done...even if they've blogged about it...It was still better to hear about in person.

ta ta from the goddess of bitchology

No time and party lines...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Not much time to write the last day or so. It seems like I've been running since the kids went to visit friends on Tuesday. This last Saturday afternoon my dh and I got to spend the day with good friends sharing stories, laughing and catching up. We had a phone call from our missing friend overseas and actually gave him much hilarity amid some serious moments of conversation. It was nice to hear his voice and know he was okay.

This group gets together every August and celebrates all the birthdays in that month. Normally with gag gifts, but sometimes fairly cool ones. It's a way to catch up once a year and find out how everyone's doing. The egg sushi won the race and we have much video evidence of the fun. For those who have never raced wind-up sushi....you're not missing much :)

The moon maiden did tell me that she found a cool new pagan alphabet book for her young son. (I'm going to have to get the name. But this might be it.) Here is a website though with one that's a bit different. I think this is such a clever idea, and I wish that I had thought to get something similar for my kids when they were that age! Here is a list of books for pagan kids from the Erudite Pagan. It makes me thankful to live in the age of the Internet where resources like this are becoming available to help us educate ourselves and our children.

Most of the books we tried to share with our children had the same kinds of themes though: respecting themselves, respecting others, respecting the earth, and the big one that we emphasize over and over, taking responsibility for your own actions.

May you all have strength and whatever guidance you require to follow the path of your spirit.

Blessings to you all from a puzzled goddess

Visitation by a goddess...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Is it just me, or does everyone else also wait until the DAY AFTER they have company to clean house? Thought not. Just me. Oh, well.

I received a visitation yesterday by a friendly goddess. Not THE goddess, just A goddess. The goddess of Everything! LOL It's unbelievable how long it's been. If it had been up to me, we would probably have lost touch long ago as I have with most of my high school/college friends. But joanalita stays in intermittent touch and always seemed to track me down. And she sent out the cutest emails about what was going on with her life and family! Made me start remembering to connect with mine now that I don't always see them 5 or 6 times a year!

But I was very thankful that she graciously ignored the effects of a teenaged male (who lives in front of the mirror) has on my bathroom and sailed right along! Tho' it's always fun explaining to people that I have one of those toilets that has a handle you pull UP on the top of a tank. LOL Takes everybody a minute the first time they use it...and that's not to include the backwardly plumbed water in the sink! It's all fun.

She was nice enough not to peek at the awful garage from some dark circle of DIS as I had to take the dog in and out multiple times. (He's not very smart about the puppy dog thing and I'm not into cleaning up messes on the floor.) I'm just glad he didn't mortify me by greating her by humping her leg, but he seems to reserve that for my baby brother-in-law and for one of the boys friends. :)

And we only reminisced for about 45 minutes total during the whole 5 hour visit. We had all those lo many 15 years to catch up on! We had so many kid stories to swap and all those little family things that we hadn't shared :)

But she did remind me that we'd actually been on a college bowl team our freshman year (we were the TWO lone girls! most of the contestants didn't even realize that you could HAVE girls on the team *grin*) I think the guys we played with were Mikey and Bruce, but I barely remember back to being on the team! (lost in that alcoholic and mononucleosis haze) She says we made it to the semi finals! Woot! I don't even remember. Except that we were on the team to answer all the literature, geography, history type questions. LOL If my kids knew that they'd get a definite hoot out of that! They've HAD my help with social studies!

I still don't remember the strip poker story and there's NO way I believe it!

And I also remember her ragging on me to quit smoking...then 10 days into it offering to go buy me a pack of smokes! LOL YES, I AM the bitch! ROFL This one's for you!

from a puzzled goddess

Reality, schmality and who took my religion...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I really couldn't believe anyone would be that tacky when I read it in a Pagan blog I follow. I mean, how can something so personal be spread out on reality tv...oh, right, I forgot Flavor Faves (or whatever) and the Bachelor...hmmm

This is just more out to lunch then I believed any show would get. Why do I even wonder? I never watch TV for a reason. Movies, Discovery and History channel with the occassional CSI. The way I'm feeling about this was expressed really well by one of the columnists, Charlie Brooker, at The Guardian in the UK. This is just insane.

But, for reality TV, the more insane the better, right? The guy heading this show up sounds like the most insane of all....anything for a headline.

I have no clue why the people that are on this would volunteer for this kind of insanity. I just don't get it. People fling religion in your face often enough whether you want it or not. Why go out looking for the hassle?

I had some hope for a balanced world someday....why do I keep reading or watching the Christian media and losing it?

from a head shaking puzzled goddess wishing I had the excuse of drugs making me see it ...

My five minutes of whining and an informative article....

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

No, I think I'll skip the parenting talk...it still scares the crap out of me and I still am contemplating the reasons why lions eat their young (as a friend of my was sure to tell his children many times! lol)

The story behind the five minutes of whining. There is a woman, Jacqui Saburido, who appeared on Oprah a few years ago. She was given such a bum rap in life, but she had such a positive attitude and such a beautiful spirit that she made an impact on me. She said that she allows herself 5 minutes of crying and self pity a day, that's it, no more time to feel sorry for herself...Well I decided that today I would SHARE my five minutes of allowable whining (Lucky you!)

So, I was forwarded a VERY cool article link today. http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=why-migraines-strike

I have to sheepishly admit that my attitude on seeing the email subject line and that it was an article on migraines made me think, "oh no, now I've got someone else sending me ideas on how to get better and the 'newest' wonder drugs that I was on 2 or 3 years ago..." I was wrong (sorry JD, but you don't know how many people, my entire life, or at least since I started getting migraines at 12 or 13, will xerox stuff, send me links, tell me about what worked for their brother, sister, niece or wife's cousin's husband!) a good goddess can apologize because I realize that every one of these efforts is out of the kindness of people's hearts and they truly do want to see me well so thank you.

For those who don't know me well, I've been a goddess all my life, but only really been puzzled since I had kids....seriously, I'm disabled because of migraines...I know, I know what some of you are thinking who haven't been there or done that or who even get them occassionally...how can someone be DISABLED because of a HEADACHE? Take some asprin, wish yourself better, gut up and ignore the pain, or click your ruby slippers together a time or two and pretend you aren't in Kansas.

Sorry for the sarcasm, but realize 1.) I have gotten 'classic migraines' since I was an adolescent. 2.) I have been keeping up with migraine research for as long 3.) I don't just get the 'occasional'
headache...that's what I got before I got pregnant and could hold down a career and be a good wife and mother, etc I get MIGRAINES (not headaches...I DO very much know the difference!) every FRICKEN goddess be damned day of my life and have for the past TWELVE YEARS....get that....12 years! I can count on my fingers the number of pain free days I've had during those years. I haven't had a pain free day in the last 3 years at all. I was overjoyed last month that I had a MORNING where my pain level didn't go above a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1-10.

On top of the migraine B.S. I have also had Fibromyalgia since I was 19...for years I could ignore the pain or 'work through it' but when 'working through it' involves raising blood pressure in your brain (bending over, exerting yourself in any way, etc) and increases the migraine pain past the bearable threshold, there is a tendency to JUST NOT DO IT....can we say PAIN.

So no, you can't get disabled from getting migraines....but yes, if you are one of the 2 people (I'm one of them) that I'm aware of in the nearest 150 miles who happens to have had their brain chemistry/function change to such an extent that they are getting these things EVERY day and has no let up no matter how many drugs they put you on or take you off or try again (I'll probably rant more about this later!) and if you happen to have another disabling condition that compounds your problems. Plus the ups and adds of high spinal pressure, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thyroid disease, now obesity, and the lovely new addition of disappearing Vitamin D reserves...you too could maybe ride the system and be bedbound in fricken agony almost every day of your life! (You can't tell that I get a bit PO'd at the way people treat me, can you?) Anyway, this concludes my alloted 5 minutes of allowable whining per day.

I truly do want to thank the friend that sent the article to me. I did learn some new things from it. I hadn't known some of the ins and outs of how the brain chemistry worked. I had discovered that epilepsy and migraines were related in ways the doctors didn't quite understand (many drugs now used for migraines were developed to treat epilepsy.) Anyway, very cool and interesting article for me...sorry if it bores you to tears :) goddesses like to get new information.

ttfn and blessings from a puzzled goddess

Symbols, signs, hypocrits, patriots, and lies...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I don't know whether to rant about religious freedoms and how sick I am of having other's beliefs shoved down my throat, or to confess how scaring being the mother goddess is to a teenage boy and girl....hmmm.

The rant is less petrifying!

Goddesses emerge! How often have you been in a blissful mood contemplating nature and had it ruined by some yay hoo creeping through talking up his version of god, the hearafter and damnation? Don't get me wrong; I don't have anything against, God, his hearafter or his damnation....I just see things from my own goddess slant and my views aren't nearly as ugly to my mind as theirs are (or as pedantic...nice word, pedantic...got to remember that! ;D )

I don't care what your religion is, if you are a 'good' person in this world trying to be peaceful and make the right decisions for yourself I admire you. If you are striving to protect the world and change it, I admire you....but when your "protection" takes the form of looking after my ever lovin' soul while you can spit and swear and be nasty to my face....I'll pray for you and that your sad soul will find some kind of enlightment and happiness from somewhere so you'll feel less like you have to rain on another's parade and to take charge of your neighbor's life, mind, and actions. My actions are my own and I stand prowd in defense of them.

I'm pretty darn patriotic for a goddess....I'm also pretty motherly to about every kid/adult I meet. The older I get, the less I want to judge people and the more I want to comfort them. Sgt Patrick Stewart's story just pissed me off... I was so glad that Celia actually wrote a song about this and some other things that have happened in our so 'enlightened' country.


This song might as well be an anthem for closet pagans. Coming out of the closet doesn't really affect me anymore, as a goddess, I'm above that.

But I worry about a town that has 6 churches for less than 2,000 people and how they will react to my children. My dd already gets enough crap for being intelligent, pretty, and resistant to taking off her Thor's Hammer....whew! I thought I was going to have to go to the school board over it during volleyball season. Even in MY day we were allowed to wear religious emblems during sports as long as we taped them down to our chests so they wouldn't bounce out and maybe hit an eye or catch a finger.

My ds is more laid back about confronting people on the issues of faith, but MUCH more judgemental about how they treat him. He sees no value in these Christian religions and what lessons they are teaching about behavior based on the kids and adults around him...I wish I could disagree with him. He's also managed to make the rabid Jehovah's Witness in his class tone down his rhetoric when they are together. My miltant son, R, has made him see that his beliefs DON'T give him the right to offend others about their beliefs. (Man, maybe my son should talk to Al Queda....oh hell no, they'd bomb us for sure and I'd be out a son!)

I want my children to understand Christianity because it is so pervasive in our society that they will need some of those references to function well. BUT, I also want my children to have the Pagan's higher calling...do what you will and it harm none...and to take the Rule of 3 to heart. Filling a heart with love and loving others and our planet is not just rhetoric to me....I really do try every day of my life. Sometimes I'm a b*tch goddess, or an angry crone goddess and don't quite have the compassion I'm trying for...but I hope to the gods that I judge less than the fanatics around me.

You know you've done something right as a mother goddess when your dd comes home from a summer bible study at a local church (her first ever last year!) and says, "It was okay mom, the people were fine....but I just didn't understand or agree with the way they kept saying to leave everything to God and he would take care of them, and that it was all God's decision...Mom, what happened to people taking responsibility for themselves? Don't Christian's have to do that too?"

Out of the mouths of pre-teens...I felt a proud moment, knowing that she had learned to think for herself and that faith without will and responsibility leaves a bunch of immature people running around waiting on someone else to pick up the pieces while they follow blind doctrine. (Yes, that's a little harsh, but I do read the Bible, and the Quaran, the I Ching, Wiccan books and just about any holy book I can get my hands on. Am still looking for a reasonable copy of the Book of Mormon to study and the Apocrypha.)

Who's going to pick up that piece of trash on the side of the road? (human being, hurt animal, or crying child) .....hmmm.....maybe those of us who see it and worry more about taking responsibility for the cleanliness of our enviroment than those who ignore it thinking that God will provide?

At least that's what this puzzled goddess thinks for now....next time why don't I talk about parenting....then I can talk politics after that and I can piss EVERYBODY off!

Blessing on you all from a puzzled goddess.

Navel Contemplation, Bellybutton lint, and surprised by beauty.

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Spending much time lately contemplating my Facebook and Myspace and yahoo groups and yahoo sites (geocities) and the genealogy sites I have up for my family (2 built by me...4 or 5 built by others) and all the sites that pop up when I do a search on my name where I have expressed an opinion on an email list and it's been spidered. I'm now of the opinion that we've entered into the time of navel contemplation....all of us spend so much time looking at the back of our heads, or telling people what the back of our heads look like and how fun/grotesque/weird/humorous they are that we don't need to do much more in a day then contemplate our computer screen to have a pseudo zen psychiatry experience from our own computer chair.

This puzzled goddess will of course add to the confusion. I'll move the genealogy blogs I write over to this blog and let others who have no interest in that part of my life, pick and choose among the flotsam I choose to let them see.

I've discovered, now that my kids are teenagers, that I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong. Gee I must be really lucky that my kids aren't on drugs or in a gang doing a drive by right now. More on this parenting stuff later.

I really want to get to the importance of bellybutton lint. In my small world, I guess I figure if I'm surprised by belly button lint during a shower or bath that I just haven't been contemplating that navel nearly enough. I need to buckle down to some introspection and maybe my belly button will always be clean? nah...

A friend of mine is overseas as a contractor in those war torn countries and talked about being surprised by the beauty of some of his surroundings.

I live in one of the most scenic areas in many countries and I forget this joy of being surprised by the beauty around me, until I am reminded of all the ugliness that is around us. This is one of the views I see on a daily basis.


And my son, Rune, captured this beautiful sight that I put through an ultra-violet filter and cropped.
Blessings from a Puzzled Goddess