Yuletide Cheer and all that stuff...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...I love the holidays. I love entertaining and seeing my family and having people over. I always have. But I don't like the drama. I really just want everyone to get along and have a life supported by loving people. My mom was a drama Queen. She was in a tizzy any time we had people over and would clean a clean house for days. ;P

 I SO wasn't going there. I was informed by my soon-to-be-ex many years ago that I was turning into my mother. I would get all tense before we left to go anyplace and scream and have fights...I then realized it was because I was always ready 30 minutes early and he was always 30 minutes or more late and didn't have his stuff together. So on top of doing my stuff and being disabled and feeling like crap I'd be trying to organize his at the last minute and get the kids moving, because they knew that the time stated meant 30 minutes or more late, and it was ALWAYS more stress than I wanted to deal with. LOL My daughter still fudges times with us both to get us going "on time." She's starting to realize that I'm actually getting ready at the time she says and now am considering HER late. LOL My son...well...we're always walking out the door while he's still brushing his teeth or getting his coat or something 10 minutes after it was time to go and waiting for him outside.

But all of this aside, making food for people I love and seeing them enjoy it. Being able to give them some small gift of my heart even when I'm broke. Letting them know I thought of them and love them and welcome new members to the family table. No matter when the holiday is celebrated.  (and no matter how many pain killers I need to swallow to get through the day!) I'd almost  prefer Christmas or a Yule celebration in July...just to divorce it from all the rest of the crazy of the season and get the family together for some gathering time to bond in a time less fraught with stress for all. But then employers don't give time off for the Summer Soltice do they? and when you are baking and sweating it just doesn't seem as fun to get together with family as when you can go sliding through the ice and snow.
from the puzzled goddess shivering under her nice warm blankets on this Christmas Afternoon.

Organizing for a day

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...I finally got disgusted with digging through the drawer multiple times and not being able to find what I was looking for. You know the way it goes. You have one drawer that has several types of things in it so you always have to dig through it to find what you want.


So this entire  basket of clothing came out of a 4" deep drawer. That started out started out impossible to find anything

 With a few tools.

 Some cardboard and a little bit of time. About a half hour/s worth and no impact on my budget. I organized the snot out of it and ended up with this.


My kick ass new drawer!         From the Goddess of Organized shit you should all envy!

Catz Daze

This is Aria. She likes to be under the covers. And when she's not, she likes to attack feet!

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me..

But woe betide any human subject who wakes her furry butt up!

or not...some are just curious...

But Aria has one MAJOR kitty trait...

and can't help looking into the well, or laundry machine as it were to see if Lassie might have fallen in.

She just HAS to sniff out any possible place a D.O.G. might be.

And her human sister has one very Human trait....throw the cat down the well...

And some get pushed in by a helpful sibling who just can't resist....

HELLO? Any Doggies down here?

until Mom has pity on them and lets their poor, beleaguered, neurotic furry butts free.

 And you thought helping someone recover from surgery was all fun and games,  huh? Work I tell you, it's all work!
from the goddess of puzzling kitties....

Things my Father taught me...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...going introspective as I and my daughter visited my parents' graves last month. I try to make it a habit to visit their graves at Willamete National Cemetery on my Dad's birthday so it's a happy memory, not a sad anniversary, like a death anniversary. I want to think of them as they were while alive.

I got thinking about the eulogy I gave for my dad at his funeral. Up until the last minute I wasn't sure I was going to but it just felt right. Dad's world had narrowed so much in his last years as his health failed and he wasn't working. He seemed to retreat more toward the past and family became ever more important to him, and I've come to understand that. The family I love and the things I had left undone for them became much more important to me after I had a heart attack scare a few years ago. I now know that my dad was told that he had a limited time to live because he had congestive heart failure and was trying to set things up so that my mom would be in good shape to be covered and okay. He always cared for her in his quiet way.

But back to the eulogy...the one huge lesson I remember from my dad is that you can learn just about anything you want to do from a book. And he put that into practice most of his life. He never let the fact that he didn't know something stop him from trying to do it. It was just one more challenge he hadn't learned about. I think some of that attitude came from his life's career (and one of mine) which was as a computer systems analyst. Which, if you are a good one, means that you intimately understand all the processes around the computerized systems you are bringing into being so that you can streamline them, design the correct supporting data structures and implement the training necessary for all people who are impacted by the system. To do this you have to have a deep understanding of the business process you are automating. Books can definitely come into play in this process. My father in fact possessed a business degree, as do I. His was in Management I believe, and he had certificates as a Data Wiring Operator (early computer programmer), and Systems Analyst well before colleges or universities offered the degrees as well as classes in COBOL, FORTRAN and a few other languages like me. My degree is in Project Management (probably following in Dad's footsteps...we were both Aries! And I wrote code in even more computer languages than he did. LOL and ended up a Systems Analyst and Computer Network Project Manager.) My Dad had also worked as a Draftsman and worked on a graduate degree in Engineering which he had never had the time to finish with his growing family.

But my Dad also was in the Air Force during the Korean War as part of the DEW line as a control tower officer and pilot. And when he got out he built a mobile home for he and my mother, and my older brother and sister, from scratch. Then a site built home...by reading about the codes and looking at blueprints and doing the wiring and the plumbing and the metal work and the rest of it pretty much by himself, or with his wife and kids help. As one of his kids I can attest to it. He had an almost endless belief in his power to learn anything, and he could. He passed that on. Before I entered high school I sweated pipes and soldered them and wired the electrical in our house and helped put up the sheetrock and do the taping, did the rebar and helped pour the cement, placed pier blocks and did rough and finish framing. The only thing I never did was lay carpet. (Thank you, God!)

 I really hope I've passed on this same type of belief to my children. I think I have. Because when something new comes up as a question that needs to be solved or done they don't necessarily turn to a book, or Mom or Dad, but the computer comes out, the internet is fired up...google is queried and youtube's brain is sucked dry. And low and behold the answer is found and the project is accomplished! So Thank You Daddy, we love you still and we appreciate your legacy!

from the puzzled  goddess of knowledge....

Bitchology...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
I had a great time last night, and last weekend, the weekend before, and the weekend before that...

All this summer socializing packed into a few weekends of seeing people I'd known for years and finally catching up because we all are in the right place, and space, at the right time.

We've made time to spend with family, and time to spend doing what we love in the current middle ages.

I also have been lucky enough to make some new friends that I'm coming to cherish as marvellous people who accept my slightly *cough* ascerbic wit, and my emerging compassion and can seem to understand that I'm trying to meld the two with the wisdom I've had to cultivate.

I don't think it's that I wasn't compassionate when I was younger, at least I would hope not. I would hope that it was that I was young, and arrogant, and being young and arrogant I was correspondingly impatient with the perceived weakness of those around me.

One of my best friends made the comment last night, "wow, S... is being more compassionate than I am, when did that happen?"

I understand that most people might have been insulted by this, but in my group of friends I was known as a tough bitch goddess who told it like it was...it was the only way I had learned to survive. I was brutal sometimes in the way I stripped people of their most cherished illusions, but the friends who stayed...mostly, loved that about me and the fact that, when they got inside my heart, I was this giant marshmallow who had a love and loyalty that stretched pretty much forever. I was the chief, I was mom, I was doomed to not be weak. Not even in my own mind.

That perception has changed over the years and it's only now that I'm working to rebuild my self image, but long term chronic illness has a tendency to do that in your life and this post is not about that struggle, or not entirely. ;D

Then another close friend told my daughter that I once was going to write a book called, "Bitchology." It sounds like something I would have said, but the title was probably all his, 'cuz he's a hell of a lot cleverer with words than I am. ;D

I think I could have made the book a hit...I think I could still make the book a hit! It's a great title! There is something to be said for being a bitch. My daughter has been gifted that title by my friends and she preened under it, and they praised her saying they were glad she knew it was a compliment.

And I think it is, because I think sometimes in this world that being 'bitch' is just another word for being a forthright, alpha female who can hold her own in the world. It will cause her problems. It already has.

But I would say much better bitch than victim if I have the choice between the two. Those were my choices, not my daughters', but I could only raise her as I knew to be raised as a female. She was a "girlier" girl. And she didn't have the sports opportunities that I did. She is so much more organized than I ever was and so much more her own person. I was very dependent on my friends' opinions, my family's opinions, everyone's opinions... but my own.

Seeing friends from long ago and seeing glimpses of our faces from long ago in them, I see the continuity and the beauty.

Being with old friends I just plain had fun catching up and hearing about all the stuff I haven't heard and where they've been and what they've done...even if they've blogged about it...It was still better to hear about in person.

ta ta from the goddess of bitchology

It's all in your head.... Really!

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Just Fine....

"Since family or friends cannot see the illness, how can it exist? And how can someone believe that the illness is real if everyone around them doubts or scrutinizes it?"

Same book, different quote. I lived this quote for so long. With every migraine, every paralyzing muscle ache I couldn't explain, until even I wondered if I was causing myself to feel the pain and started to blame myself for putting myself through this rats' maze of doctors, doubts, and debillitating illness. I thought I must be mentally ill or I wouldn't want to be sick like this, right?

I remember the same kinds of reactions when I was a kid and finally got diagnosed with a "nervous stomach." Now I just live on immodium, preperation-H, and peppermint tea. Then, I always assumed I was at fault, hmmm, I guess I kinda do now too, lol...guess I haven't grown up as much as I'd hoped, huh?

[if you have a little know illness or condition, and if the symptoms are not visibly apparent, the reactions you receive can change dramatically. "Those with hidden illnesses are often treated with disbelief and thought to be hypochondriacs, whiners, malingerers, or difficult patients," says Higgins. {Bejai Higgins} They can sometimes receive dismissive medical treatment. These discounting reactions from health professionals, and sometimes the patient's family and friends, can begin to generate self-doubt. Self-doubt, left unchecked, can lead to depression and isolation.]

Hmmm, that self doubt thing always sucks. I always have to wonder, do I REALLY want to spend the majority of my life in pain and struggling just to get out of bed?

.....HELL NO! Days like the last few are a good way to answer that!

I finally have a bit of pain relief with going back to one of the old anti-seizure meds I was on years ago that I became accustomed to (so it stopped working) and they added some slow release narcotics to the mix. While I prefer to be in control of the narcotic release so that I can use them only when I really need them, I have to say that I'm getting more done today housework-wize than I have done in months. But I have to constantly counsel myself to be careful, not to overdo just because the pain is in the background.

A good day does not mean a cure...all these litanies have now become part of my internal mantra, because otherwise I try to fight all those doubters and all those judging eyes and push myself WAY past what I should do and pay for it for weeks to come.

For years I listened to the people, and my own head that said, "if I think healthy, then I'll be healthy. If I don't think about my depression, it will go away." This may work to some extent to help me summon energy, and it's helping me do chiqong to try to get the nerve impulses rerouted around my damaged disks in my neck, but I also need to deal with the reality.

The years I've spent fighting this have actually made this so much worse and made my illness so much harder to deal with.

If the energy I'd put into pretending I wasn't in pain or was well had been put into healing or increasing my energy like I did very early on, before I stopped trusting myself, I might have come to an accomodation with this and been able to balance my energies instead of spiralling into depression and starting to believe the sarcastic and mean things that people whisper.

For some reason, the more things that you have wrong with your body, the less sick you are thought to be...somehow that's a medical community correlary. It holds true in the real world too. Maybe it's just that people expect lies to be complicated and so if you're really sick and it's complicated they think you must be lying? I don't know....just trying to think of some excuse for the crappy subliminal attitudes over the years. ;D

I've gotten to where I don't want to say much of anything to anyone because they'll have that long suffering look that says, "here she goes again, another laundry list of symptoms. What is it NOW?"


[They feel that the illness is their fault, and this is often a belief that is confirmed by others. Even their doctors can sometimes not locate a reason for their pain or discomfort or the array of symptoms they are experiencing. And sadly, sometimes their spouses do not and cannot understand the illness.]

The blame game and being at fault, oh boy do I understand that one! Wow, how many times have I offered to give my husband a divorce? Not because I hate him and our kids, far from it, because without having to deal with all the issues of my disability and medical problems their lives would be much smoother. Luckily, Rick is more understanding than I probably would be in his position, though I hope I would be better than some I've met. (Maybe I'm paying back Karma for being a judgemental bitch in another lifetime? hmmm?)

So often it comes down to a choice, would you rather mom did this, or that. Went to this game, or was with the family for a weekend. Medicated herself to attend your school concert, or had a family picnic with you? Did the laundry, or made a family dinner?

I and Rick have worked it out to a fairly good degree. And we are pretty well aware of the realities of living with this thing called disability that tries to suck so much life from our family. I am lucky in that we both believed in the vows we took. We're still waiting for the "in health" part to come around....

The kids have learned responsibility, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. They have compassion. They have also learned impatience for having this alien THING that takes over part of their family whether they want to allow it or not. But the kids actually get more quality talk time with me than I ever did with my parents. This may not be a good thing according to them. ;D They actually have told me that they appreciate me keeping an accomplishments/pain level chart up on the fridge because it gives them some idea of what I'm dealing with and they don't have to be detectives to figure it out.

In 1996, with a toddler and a newborn, with Rick being a house husband, having a doctor refuse to sign a return to work order for me was the worst wake up call I have ever gotten. It destroyed my sense of self worth. We lost our home, went bankrupt. I lost my career, my livelihood, my friends, my social life. Hell, I even lost the ability to balance a checkbook! (I still struggle with that monthly. No wonder they didn't want me managing multi-million dollar projects....hehehee!)

So much of my sense of self-worth was tied up in my career, and now I can't even solve simple problems in life without anxiety attacks. If I push to do more than 2 or 3 hours of ANY activity per day, I have to recover for multiple days....those are the ones other people don't see.

Yet there are still many people who are convinced that I can just, "get up off my fat, lazy ass and get a job and support my family, and I would be just fine." Yes, that's a direct quote. It was only said to my face once, but God, I've seen it in so many eyes over the years, heard it in so many questioning voices, in so many insincere offers of help....

The person who said that to me is reaping what they sewed. I personally am hoping that all of those that have had those kind of non-compassionate thoughts about a situation they really know nothing about don't ever have to live in this kind of agony to learn their mistake. I can't even wish this on them.

Our family time and leisure time has been totally hamstrung to cater to what mom has energy to do. I have to be careful and remember to not overdo things when I'm medicated because I'll pay for it with the exhaustion when I come down.

It's taken me years and I'm still only now overcoming the guilt that it was my body that failed my family this way and that I'm the one that has to be constantly accomodated.

Can we please go back to it being all in my head?

from the puzzled goddess of painful truth

I thought I already passed this class....

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Why do moms get their stomaches all tied in knots when their kids have a problem, or are having trouble with a class? Is it just me? Or do all moms do this?

This is pretty typical of how the kids are sleeping this week.

We've been able to revisit Romeo and Juliet this term...term paper editing tomorrow night!

I told the boy and girl about a year ago that their science homework was to the point that I couldn't really help explain things to them anymore....it doesn't seem to matter. I hated physics in high school and hated it more in college...so guess what they were in Washington, DC while it was being covered and sick for the explanations? Right. Physics. Laws of motion. Newton and crap. Ugh!

I know how important some of those concepts are, but it's the last week of the term and all work has to be in by Thursday. Guess what the boy is having trouble with? Yep. My favorite subject!
The dear hubby hates math and I get stuck with explaning those concepts to the kids, why can't he explain the science? Oh yeah, he didn't take that much science either! Crap!

The kids were both sick with high temperatures the week before spring break and missed a week before that because of their trip so it's crunch time. They only have a few days to get their work done and caught up, and now mom is running a temperature and has been for 2 weeks despite all the anti-inflamatories I normally take. :(

I guess it's nice that I finally have a temperature to break...it means my immune system is finally trying to fight the illness. But my lungs were much happier a few weeks ago. Now coughing hurts, thinking hurts (what's new?) and hell, even sleeping hurts.

Since this is the last week of the term, hubby and I also became grandparents for the last few days to obnoxiously robotic plastic dolls that have a VERY high creep factor. Ick! If babies looked and acted like this, the human race would be dead within a generation!

The girls little 'boy' was Jack, and no, the eyes don't close, it's always got that creepy Chucky stare.

And the boy's, "little darling" girl was Jill...told repeatedly and often to shut up.

This excercise seems somewhat futile for my children. They already got the point. They are in no way ready to be parents and don't want to be.

Mom and Dad have had some fun, though. Telling them all those grody infant stories of when they were babies!

At least this way they've heard about the joys of exploding diapers and 4 am feedings before they had to experience the fun for themselves.

from grandma puzzled goddess

Snow is good, right?

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

It's snowing; it's been snowing; it is supposed to keep snowing. Unlike my daughter, I like snow. I just feel so rushed this holiday that I feel like it is cutting into my already short supply of time. It doesn't help that I'm trying to actually SLEEP for, like, 8 or so hours a day, even if it's in snatches.

The pain induced insomnia is a bitch, and it's not like I get anything productive done while I'm waiting to sleep. I'd love to be able to say I'm Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker when my head's exploding, but such is not the case. I'm lucky month to month if I can keep up with the grocery shopping and meal planning, some laundry, helping with some homework and riding the kids to do their chores. We try to go to all the home games at least for all the sports our kids are involved with as well. Whew! I understand why people get so depressed this time of year.

Add debt that's piled up when the oil companies raped us all and necessities I've put off buying for the kids and ourselves and I'm feeling the pinch.

We finally broke down and got new cell phones. Yes, even for our kids. We got the best models that come free with our plan (free, hah!) but I also got the program that t-mobile has that will allow me to give everyone allowances of our plan minutes, and I can change it depending on if they have completed their responsibilities or not. (*evil laugh*) THIS I can get into!

What sucks is that now I have to learn chat speak...ugh!

from a frazzled puzzled goddess

I have been flogged back to the keyboard...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

even though the Goddess of Everything is a very nice lady, she is a strict taskmistress. (NO, not in any BD/S&M way! get your minds back up in the gutter with the rest of us...where it's crowded!)

She actually reminded me that it's been almost a month/over a month since I posted. I'm still sick, the kids are still around and Rick hasn't left me yet. All good! LOL

I will say that we had a good visit with an old friend who was home from Iraq for a few days. Have been following his book, it's doing very well. (Thanks for giving the boy advice on his future. He's so intense it's scary sometimes.)
But I blush to say I haven't kept up on the blogs that he and his wife write in the last few weeks. (Sorry guys!) I seem to have been doing my level best to cough a lung up or lose an eye.

My girl is taking a break from sports for herself and has taken a job as the scorekeeper for the basketball team. So she gets to see more of the games than we do!

The boy is playing basketball (or not playing this last week because I don't want his ankle permanently injured!) Currently he's very irritated with mom, cuz mom won't let him play or practice on his sprained ankle...cuz the boy has NO concept of when to quit and give it a rest, and his coach won't make him sit out when the drills are rough on an ankle that has been permanently injured since October Football season. We discovered the kid is a bit flat footed and pronates his foot when he's running. Orthodics correct some of it, but the start and stop drills are hard on ankles that aren't totally used to running in the correct position yet. :) So mom is the bad guy.

I'll just have to deal. I'd rather he and his teammates were irritated with me now, than find out when he's 18 that his ankle isn't up to the career he wants to follow. He's got the typical sports mentality of ice it, tape it, bandage it, if the pain is tolerable keep playing....hmmm wonder where he got that (speaks the woman with a leg scarred from a legiment repair and who spent part of every season in an ankle brace or nursing broken toes or fingers. Playing through pain is one thing, but continuing to injure a joint and keeping it too weak to heal is something else entirely.

This picture is unusual for a game in that he is standing almost still while his teammate is zipping by.

This second one is much more indicative of the shots I normally get. :)

He's lost about 20 lbs between football and basketball...and he has muskcles! He's almost not my baby anymore! (*whine*) I think all the weight is being redistributed in his arms and shoulders!

Sorry, I wasn't going to make this whole post about the boy, but it's what I'm thinking about right now.

from a sneezy puzzled goddess

Immune systems are nice...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I wish I had one. I'm about a month into my yearly 3 to 4 months of cold, flu, and general malaise. I really should have gotten those flu and pneumonia shots this year. I think they cut the time I was sick last year by about half.

I run constantly to not even stay afloat. Crap. All of us have so much going on that none of us are getting enough sleep.

I'm playing musical bed with my animals every time I do try to sleep so I've almost reached the point of giving up. My old, grumpy kitty is fine. She lays in my arms now like my kids used to do when they were babies. ;) It is a nice feeling. (Of course, they never had quite that much fur!)

The dear husband's dog on the other hand ( I don't claim him. I won't, he craps on my floors when he's mad and he gets WAY too friendly to the kitten and to visitor's legs! It's embarrassing!) this animal thinks that he needs to sleep ON mom's legs. ALL night! I end up waking up with back spasms and a sciatica and half of my body numb cuz my muscles have just taken too much abuse already to put up with his, admittedly slight, weight added to it.

My sleep doctor says that all animals should be kicked out of the bed. (Try telling that to a 13 year old b@tch cat with claws. I'll stand back while you explain it to her, repeatedly!) I think I'd miss our furry friends, but then I missed cuddling with the kids and "morning snuggles," once they got old enough to be on and about their day when they grew up. I do have to admit that I'm lucky enough to get snuggles and hugs from them when they come home from school and I'm napping. I know they are just trying to put off the evil moment when they have to start homework and their chores, but I delude myself into believing they like the contact. ;D

Enough whiney BS from today. We're all alive, in debt, and dreading the thought of a 15 year old boy with a learner's permit...ouch!

Can I sign up to skip his birthday this year?




Excuse the disjointed ramblings. My posts are not nearly as well thought out as they should be.


from a puzzled goddess watching the time scream by at warp speed

Halloween has come and gone...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I don't know whether I feel ecstatic or panicked. The girl was working out a costume at the last minute and wanted me to help her sew something. Yuk! I dislike sewing intensely, but the thought of digging my sewing machine out of the pile of stuff that has accumulated on it since my dear husband decided to rearrange my living room....no and hell no. Just don't have the energy.

So we talked, and she said that a belly dance costume would be okay. hmmm....I have a few of those. Haven't fit me for many years...might as well get some use out of all the work putting them together.

Made me want to cry. She looks MUCH better in them than I ever did, and she is only 13! (Hear the internal mother wailing! My Baby!)

I don't remember EVER looking this good!

from a puzzled goddess who misses her baby...waaaaaah

Just catching up...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

I'm doing my fall/winter sickness thing again this year. Hmmm...I probably shouldn't have put off going to the doctor and getting that pneumonia and flu shot they recommended, huh? I seem to have been nothing but sick for the last month. Between the physical malaise, the mental kicking myself and the constant pain I have been fairly unproductive.

I did take the opportunity though to come up with an "accomplishments" sheet for myself that I post on the fridge and update throughout the day. This is allowing me to affirm that I'm not a total waste of skin and that I DO accomplish quite a few things during my days and evenings. I've also got a breakdown of the day on it where I record pain levels. I've decided it's time again to try and figure out how I might be able to 'manage' the pain instead of just enduring it. So I'm trying to get some data (how concrete sequential of me, I know!) and then I'll throw some graphs out to see if my pain levels have any kind of pattern. (Silly me, why would I think there was a pattern? lol)

Anyway, I've been madly busy with the kids homecoming week and the wrap up of their sports seasons for football and volleyball and trying to keep them on top of their chores and homework and helping out when I could. :(

I DON'T like playing taxi. I hate it, hate it, hate it. But I like being involved in my kid's lives, so the good with the bad.

For a woman who doesn't know what a tight end IS, beyond the obvious!, I sure am learning a great deal about the manly game of football, and WHY? young men like to play it. Did you know they compare jerseys after a game to see whose has the most blood on it? It's got to be a male thing.

Leaving sports...(can we really, please?)
We've eaten out way too often this month, but we've done it with the kids so that we don't miss that family togetherness time I've become used to at the dinner table. I think it's one of the main reasons that our kids still talk to us. :) But I truly think that some of the reason the hubby suggests going out so often is that when we don't, we both look around and wince at all the things we should be doing. It doesn't have a tendency to make for a very relaxing evening.

Not much more to say. I'm missing out on an event with my husband right now because I really need to try and unwind and get the pain levels under control. So...it's back to meditation, medication, bio-feedback, and bed.

later....
from a puzzled goddess

The Catch-22 of health and the mystique of a busy family...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Not that there's anything particularly full of mystique about my family...just the felines. :)

It's been awhile. I've been fighting the dreaded winter cold and have had a REALLY bad week, pain-wise. It's always a Catch-22 when one thing goes south...everything else jumps on board for the ride. I've discovered I'm pretty much night blind so won't be going much of anywhere up and down the freeway here. The oncoming lights totally destroy my vision. I knew it was coming. It's only going to get worse so I need to develop coping strategies now.

Speaking of sight...Aargh! I look around and want to put on blinders. I can't walk to the restroom without being afraid something from my son's room is going to come out and get me.

Sometimes it does...Mystique has decided that he is HER boy! No doubt about it, and she is so cute climbing up and down the ladder on the loft bed. I kid you not; she navigates it like a pro. I keep trying to catch a picture of it, but can't get to the camera in time. She just doesn't like to perform on command. Ya think? How catlike of her. :) But she will pose like Bast.

My boy has inherited his dad's lack of organization....groan. It wouldn't be so bad except I refuse to go around and pick up after people anymore. So my house looks like a war zone. Each of us has our own territory and woe to anyone who encroaches on the territory of another! And each of us swears we know where EVERYTHING is...so don't move it or you'll lose an arm!

Sometimes I feel like the dining room table is Alsace-Lorraine. :)

And the plate just gets fuller(?) more full (?) stuffed! Now, what ever possessed my daughter to run for 9th grade rep? We're counting down to their spirit week for their homecoming dance the weekend after next, and I've spent more time discussing floats and their construction and what will and won't work than I ever thought I would need to. :)

On top of that load, she threw her back out again at practice tonight. I'm afraid she's not going to be playing in the game tomorrow night. Both kids seem to have been plagued by injuries this season. I think some of it is that they both decided this Summer that exercise wasn't a priority...gee...ya think they're paying for it now?

I'm taking a break from the first of the month bill paying, so I better get back to it so I can sleep before dawn.
Here's a picture I had to include for shear silliness.

Blessings to all from a puzzled goddess who hates monthly bills

And when do I pamper me?...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Volleyball and football season are almost over...only about another 3 weeks. But now we're heading into cold and flu season. The boy has the sniffles and has passed them on to me. I've slept all day curled up with my kitty. Her temperment hasn't improved in 13 years!

He'll probably be well in a day or two with enough sleep. Me? I'll be sick for the next 3 or 4 months the way my immune system works! I pampered myself with a bubble bath in candlelight with music tonight and my dear husband was a sweetheart and did the dishes I'd promised my daughter I'd do while she was at her game. [I lied!] I did TRY to do them...just not very hard. :)

I still probably will, as well as make lunches for everyone, switch the loads of laundry, fold 3 or 4 or 5 loads of laundry, run the first of the month bills, and then finally get to the stuff I need to have done for later in the week. Jeesh, being disabled is hard work! [and that really is no lie.]

I'm just putting off the inevitable...so I'll say goodbye.

from a puzzled goddess

Gee, really? a violation of copyright? No...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Unless you've been in a dark hole and haven't listened to much internet/computer news lately or you aren't addicted to facebook, you've probably heard that Mattel and Hasbro are sueing the makers of Scrabulous.

The Indian courts where they sued weren't so sympathetic to the big toymakers however.

The LA Times reported that the Indian courts didn't think the game was a violation of the Scrabble trademark, just the name. :) It seems an interesting take on it, since the rules are exactly the same as on that moldy game that most of us have buried in a closet somewhere...or in the local Goodwill!

I know that's where I got one of the last Scrabble boards we had; I think this one was actually given to us by a friend. We thought it would help the kid's vocabulary to play. After the first 5 or 6 times that mom and dad wiped the board with them, it wasn't a popular game anymore. Surprise! LOL

But this summer, when a good friend was laid up and recovering from some major surgery, I got hooked on playing the email version of this silly @ss, turn based game that I rarely would even bother to pull out of the games closet. Wow! Hasbro and Mattel missed the boat on this one. All that good will and marketing revenue...gone, in the space of a dumb lawsuit. Much better to co-opt the application and buy out the developers.

The old scrabulous site is now gone. With no warning for those of us who had games going...but I've now found Wordscraper a much improved version of Scrabble on facebook that allows you to set your own game rules. :) Now if they just had an email version of the game.

Ha, I just found out that the scrabulous application is going to be lexulous.com and will have the email games back up in a few days. I tried out their solitaire mode just a bit ago and their Java ap killed my firefox sessions...so maybe I'll give it a day or two. :)

from a puzzled goddess who was enjoying improving her vocabulary, even if I had no idea what half those words meant...

Obi wan and these are not the droids....eh hem...dinosaurs...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Truly, I would only use this power for good. I could see being an @ss kicken Jedi Master who'd screwed up and trained one of the biggest baddies in the universe...yeah that sounds like my Karma...everything's better once you're dead!

One more of those silly quizes I get sucked into because they make me think about aspects of my life I probably don't want to consider. This was my result, (I left their advertising bar on the bottom in case you want to try it yourself.)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)

You are smart and kind. You aren't mean to anyone and always think ahead. You don't like war but you aren't a hippie. You only use violence in defence and only rarely hurt people. You are worried about your friends and you are very honerable and obey your master.

And now make your own Gift App!
Millions of people will use it - its really easy and fun!

Strangely enough, this evaluation isn't that far off. Oh what I wouldn't give for the kick butt abilities of a Xena or Wonderwoman. But since I wasn't raised in Ancient times or with the
Amazons, I guess I'll stick to trying to be honorable. It's not a bad place to be in life. My kids, my husband, my family, our life, what else is there to hold on to and fight for?

Through all the hype and crap and second guessing about the past and the future, that's what it boils down to. So Obi Wan has a geas I can relate to.

I really would enjoy using the, "not the droids you are looking for," power when I'm trying to keep the family out of trouble :) And yes, the big kid gets in almost as much trouble as the children! But that's what I love about him....and I don't even have to be the grownup all the time anymore, to the mortification of my children.

from a superpowered puzzled goddess who wants to ROCK!

Hey, if you ever want to find out what kind of Dinosaur you are, I'm a diplodicus!

Diplodocus

A long neck and a long tail means a long life for you. Your footsteps echoe like thunder and your enormous size and company reduces your risk of danger.

And now make your own Gift App!

from the roaring kickin' @ss dinosaur wielding a light saber goddess who is puzzled.

So what's with a perfect life...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Weird quizes people put up on the internet. I got suckered into another one. The title just got to me...How perfect is your life? It made me wonder. I think my life is pretty damn good! I love my family and my friends and do what I can.

According to these people, my life is

Your results...

Your Life Is 55% Perfect

You have a pretty good life, but you could undoubtedly be happier with it in certain areas.

I'm not going to take it again and figure out how to get a 100% life...they make you invite other people on facebook to see your results in order for you to see your own, which is a crock. But I was curious. :)

I'd assume their definition of perfect has to do with satisfaction and health and positive relationships and money and success.

Thinking about it, I'm probably not the success I wanted to be, but I wouldn't trade my family for anything.

from a puzzled goddess who thinks her life is closer to 75% (at least today!)

No photo finish, or even photos...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

It's been a few days. My dh said it best for me...whew! We've been running since school started, and since they haven't been great weeks for me pain-wise I've been haunting social networking sites. :) I know it's lame, but keeping company with other insomniacs playing pathwords, scrabbulous or doing puzzles is mindless enough to occupy the brain while I wait for meds to kick in enough for me to sleep and it doesn't let me WHINE! Which I truly do hate, but which I seem to do constantly here. Sorry.

My darling didn't tell you that the JV Volleyball WON! This was an especially big thing because the first match was won by 2 points, the second lost by 2 points and the third won by 2 points! Close games! The football game had ended by their second game and they had quite a few fans come in from outside to see out the finish. What a rush for them to have people yelling and stomping in enthusiasm!

The football game wasn't bad. I know little about football so I just jumped and shouted when my boy was in. :) I got my exercise walking between the two activities. There is a huge-@ss hill between the gym and the football field. I must have hiked that route 6 times up and down before my hubby got through traffic and got to the game. Gosh, I didn't know I could do it that many times, still! LOL The boys were down over 40 points at the half, but in the second half their defense held the other team scoreless! Made the son feel good since he plays starting defense!

He was playing a different position that he's never played I guess during this game. Normally he's the noseguard (?) but they had a guy who was about 6'5" and weighed about 260lbs that they put my pore 5'10" 180lb stripling up against! Ouch! But my boy is one of the bigger guys on our team. It's mostly freshman and juniors.

The boy wasn't happy with the guy opposite him. The first time he came down on the son, when the son pushed him off, he kicked him! The refs caught it though and penalized the kid. He did something else to the son that drew a penalty [thank gods, the refs were vigilant! Or else they knew who to watch!] But once my boy figured out how to bring the behemoth down, being a boy, he couldn't keep from the smacktalk! Aargh! Just HAS to get that smart mouth he inherited from his dad going! We warned him though that smack talk when you have the adrenalin that high is likely to lead to fists flying either during or after the game.

But it was a good time. We went to pizza. I can't share pictures because I was dumb enough to REFORMAT THE FRICKEN PHOTO CARD at the pizza place when I was reviewing the 200 pictures I took of all my kids wonderful moments! AARGH!

So, maybe next time I'll get some photos...
from a exhausted puzzled goddess.

Punch drunk in the past...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Feelin' a bit whoosy tonight, probably left over meds and fatigue. But got some good bonding time with the family tonight. The kids went to practice and brought home another freshman from their class who needed some homework help.

He's a good kid. He's made some wrong choices in the last few years...like getting to 17 with 2.5 credits toward high school graduation. [It wasn't important, Obviously no one had ever explained how much it was, and gotten it through to him!] He is in most of the kids classes and seems to pick it up well. He's not stellar, but I've seen MUCH worse. And he hates feeling stupid so he's gone back to school so he doesn't have to feel that way. Probably smartest decision the kid ever made.

If he keeps up with it, the whole family has told him he's more than welcome to come over and study with the kids. We sometimes still talk about assignments and I learn stuff. :) Did you know how much science has changed in 25 years? I'm finding out!

The boy's got some of the concerns with having groupies/followers/stalkers/puppydogs whatever you want to call them, that the girl has been dealing with for quite a few years in various degrees. She's gotten much more compassionate to people who are outsiders though, she's had to deal with being a bullied outsider since we moved to this little school with many strangely raised children. She's a freak, but a freak with followers now and so finds some acceptance. Plus, she's discovered the wonderful feeling of being the BEST at something. SHE is the BEST in her school at scholastics. Not the quickest learner, but the one who listens and follows through and is responsible and thinking.

The boy isn't that geared to wanting to put a label on himself. He's a natural student (unfortunately it comes too easy to him), a natural athlete (though he does have to work to be a starter at his age) and he's a natural leader, being a boy with a strong sense of right and wrong and a genuine hero complex. He's been having to deal with 'followers' for years, and while it drives him nuts, he's been as pleasant as he could. And in some cases, he's even been the one following.

He's got a friend currently who is far from social adept (I'd have to say total social gamer geek.) This guy wants to be joined at the hip from the time they get to school until the boy goes to football practice. The kid isn't sports oriented, it's all video games...which is the trap we are working to get our son out of. We want him playing and moving in the real world.

It's taken this kid 2 years, but he's almost totally run my son's patience away. We keep counselling to redirect the conversations you don't want to participate in toward another subject. Be polite and don't cut him down, and may like hey, c-o-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e and tell him that he's increasing your stress by constantly bringing gamer talk to school when you want to socialize with other people and learn different things about the world.

For instance, he's LOVING football. A sport he's never been exposed to and is barely on for 5 seconds as we flip through channels at our house! But he's loving it and wants to spend some time getting immersed in it with his teammates.

It's a really grown up, and could be an emotionally hurtful situation to have to deal with to get him the reduction in anxiety and space the boy feels he desparately needs right now.

Their reactions as children of this modern age are so much better and kinder than mine were at the same age. I would have wanted to be kind, but I'm not sure I could have looked far enough beyond myself to do so. I wasn't nearly as responsible as the ones we've raised. [Hmmm. guess video games and TV might be good for something after all, and discussion of honor, chivalry and reading to them all about the Lord of the Rings and the Knights of the Round table....who'd a thunk it? *grin*]

from a puzzled goddess who can't do much more than advise.

My heart's joy...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

Sorry to people who are actually reading this that I've been missing days. Disability and pain are calling heavily this week. For some reason the more I need to be a mommy and DO stuff, the less disability wants to let me go. :( Go figure.

I've got to say that I'm enjoying some proud mommy and wife moments this week as well.
My so very dear husband is getting his feet under him and running with enthusiasm at his fairly new job. Which is so cool for me to see since he's intelligent enough that most jobs bore him to tears after about 2 months...we're almost a year now and he's still learning and pushing to expand his knowledge. Of course, computers always let you do that, for some reason they don't stay the same from month to month. :)



And the kids! Wow! They're mine, and I'm still impressed by them!

The boy is playing football for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER! (we don't watch it or really even understand all the rules in this house *grin*) and he is doing GREAT! He's starting! As a freshman! Yes, the team is small, only a few guys more than they need to field for defense and offense. But he played most of the game. He's the noseguard position I guess it's called. The one who stands opposite the center in the line and tries to tackle him. He also played a bit as running back, which he really likes because he's faster than a lot of kids his age.

I have to say that having him on the line was one of the reasons that I really didn't want him to play football. For a freshman, he's pretty big. Facing the seniors in this league, he's pretty small. The guy that was the center on the Jewel team they played friday was a behemoth! The boy said he was almost as tall as a door frame and just about as wide. Eek! And my poor 5"10" 200lb stripling is up against this! Ouch!

The coach told him that he had speed on the guy but not mass. My son's comment was, "Yah, think?" LOL The team lost, but they did better than last year's team so they were pretty happy. The boy is happy. He gets to actually HIT somebody, and it's LEGAL! So he's having a ball! He was kinda disappointed that he only came in 3rd on the team for the amount of blood on his jersey after the game though. :? It must be a guy thing...

And on the scholastic front, the boy actually did his MATH homework the night it was assigned! Not the night before it was due! Yay! [But then he lost it in the black hole he calls a room! Boo!] The teacher let him turn it in a few hours late, but I was happy that the kid is taking scholarship seriously this year! He's always had enough of a brain to pretty much skate, but I've wanted him to actually use it!


My daughter is also making us SO proud! We had to talk her into rejoining the Volleyball team this year because she had gotten so frustrated in her middle school years. She barely got to play and wasn't treated great by her teammates last year because she'd skipped a grade. The coach wouldn't let any of them forget it either as well as having some sportmanship problems that were just WRONG in a coach.

But we talked her into giving it a try anyway. She will need the extracurricular activities on her resume for college and this town only has volleyball and basketball. With her dislike of running, basketball isn't really an option. :)

She just LOVES her volleyball coach. She's been a positive role model, has given my daughter massive encouragement and has helped her bloom! The girl is the JV team CAPTAIN, as a freshman! Wow! She's also being trained to be their setter and to play defense. For those who don't play volleyball, it doesn't mean alot, but to be complimented like that on her control at her age (as a freshman who is a year younger or more than all the girls on the JV) this is incredible.

Remember, this is the girl who was barely allowed to play last year or the year before. And to top it off, she has now been named to the Taxi squad! Which means that she subs in for the VARSITY team as well! Yes, they have two freshman on the Varsity, but this is just fantastic! It is so nice that she feels positive and encouraged about something physical.

As for her academics, she continues to be responsible and proactive about her classwork. I don't know who she got it from, but gee I appreciate it. :)

from a puzzled goddess who is soaking in the reflected glory