Nightly meditation is not enough...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

For years now, I've meditated. Different format, different breathing patterns, grounding and centering or not depending on my goal in the meditation. I now have 3 new ways to meditate! lol (Do you suspect it's as much of an overkill as I do?)

The yoga-like one I've never done before though. ;D Mostly because I always felt silly getting into a position like that and reciting a mantra. But it's what the pain center experts want me to try, so we do it.

(I'm still thinking permanent studs in the head might be more fun, and think of all the airport metal detectors I could set off! wee!) Darn, I guess they use gold, and at least they know it has a chance of working in dogs. ;D

from a puzzled goddess

Sneaky eyes and nays...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

If I could have said no....I probably wouldn't have. Found out today, from the top expert in the state, that my uveitus is chronic and will reoccur throughout my life, and that my vision hadn't improved much in the last few weeks as we awaited test results. (no shit?!) I guess at the 6 month point, they consider that this isn't an acute attack. It would have been nice if they'd figured this out before I ended up with retinal scarring, what the eye doctors called sneaky eye....my eye has basically decided it doesn't much like letting light into it. It does have a pretty cloverleaf pattern to my pupil now though. ;D

Once again, my body tests as fairly normal, I probably don't have Sarcoidosis, Lupus, or Lymphoma. I've only currently got symptoms in one eye, and the tests came back okay so they're thinking the cancer thing isn't it. They're pretty positive it's not a virus (the inflamation is more prevalent in the back of my eye than the front which is indicative of some type of auto immune response.) They explained it as being like arthritis...ie. arthritis is your own immune system attacking your joints, this is my own immune system attacking my eye. Ergo, no solution, no underlying cause, and as usual we treat the symptoms.

I got the needle in the eye socket thing today. I was misled; they didn't stick it through my eye, just around my eye socket...the actual aim is to miss putting it in the eye entirely. (Gee shucks, and I missed that?) The treatment is supposed to be about 70% effective in most people, but less risky to me than if they gave me oral steroids to try and treat the inflamation systemically. (My whole well-padded body thanks you for deciding against that...runs of steroids are part of what helped me add to my Junoesque frame!) I can get these shots about every month, if it helps reduce the inflamation and swelling in the back of the eye, but I have to be monitored every few weeks to make sure the pressure inside my eye doesn't go up. (I don't know if the eyeball bursts if it does, don't really want to know...just let me live in blissful ignorance.)

My dear daughter spent most of dinner watching my eye swell and commenting on how horrible it looks...she's right. And the darn swelling in the socket looks like a blistered bag under my lid that I could pack clothes for a week in! My CPAP breathing mask doesn't much like the fluid there either, everytime the mask shifted it woke me up...which is why I have time to update my adoring public with all the gruesome and boring details.

Life's okay, R is tired and the kids already have spring fever...
more later from a puzzled goddess who may soon be able to drive again...fear me.

More of life intervening among the living...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...

The eye, something they are calling uveitus is still decreasing my visual field to half. I've been referred into another pain clinic to let them put me through their paces and see if any new treatment stuff pops out. Not holding out much hope, but it's bad enough that I've got to spend some real time and effort to see if they can do anything that will help alleviate some of the pain.

Had some xrays and an MRI done; another pschological evaluation (oh, please, tell me I'm imagining this so you can tranq me and let it stop!), and today another PT evaluation. It sounds like they have a few new techniques I haven't tried yet...we'll give it the old college try and see how it goes, not much it can hurt.

Tomorrow we talk about the needles in the eye. They can't seem to find a cause, and the symptom isn't going away, and since the symptom is almost total blindness in that eye....well they're finally going to do something about it. Yay! and scared at the same time. But I've been missing my sight there since August and I'm starting to worry about more permanent damage. There's already retinal scarring around my pupil...the eye won't dialate very well....it looks like a chewed up flower edge when seen with the optometrist's cameras. (Here it just looks fuzzy and almost blue...no, it doesn't belong to smurfette! She can get her own!)

I'm up because "medicine is gggggooooooddddddd" especially after a day of bending, twisting and being stuck in a tube that roared and was 2 sizes too small for my current well padded and claustraphobic bulk. Yuck! Came out of there shaking. But I sure wasn't gonna hit the panic button and have to nerve myself up to start all over, NO, and HELL NO.

I've still got the sniffly flu and am sleeping when I can, cooking and doing the occassionally housewifely laundry pile when I can't and struggling to ride herd on 2 cats in the form of teenagers who need to be kept on track so they get some of their time for themselves!

The kids had a cool trip, and for those who didn't hear all the details, I'll post more later when I can access their pics. Great experience and mom and dad are so proud! R is hanging in there with his winter/Spring SADS and we all are just trying to hold it together until our budget can recover from the rape by the oil companies this last year.....wouldn't it be neat if the government made the oil companies contribute those usurous 'record profits' to bailing out the nations banking system....gee, or just tax the shit out of companies who bomb the economy and try to tank the country just because they can.

from a puzzled goddess in a funky mood....later....