Bitchology...

Some goddesses are puzzled by this...like me...
I had a great time last night, and last weekend, the weekend before, and the weekend before that...

All this summer socializing packed into a few weekends of seeing people I'd known for years and finally catching up because we all are in the right place, and space, at the right time.

We've made time to spend with family, and time to spend doing what we love in the current middle ages.

I also have been lucky enough to make some new friends that I'm coming to cherish as marvellous people who accept my slightly *cough* ascerbic wit, and my emerging compassion and can seem to understand that I'm trying to meld the two with the wisdom I've had to cultivate.

I don't think it's that I wasn't compassionate when I was younger, at least I would hope not. I would hope that it was that I was young, and arrogant, and being young and arrogant I was correspondingly impatient with the perceived weakness of those around me.

One of my best friends made the comment last night, "wow, S... is being more compassionate than I am, when did that happen?"

I understand that most people might have been insulted by this, but in my group of friends I was known as a tough bitch goddess who told it like it was...it was the only way I had learned to survive. I was brutal sometimes in the way I stripped people of their most cherished illusions, but the friends who stayed...mostly, loved that about me and the fact that, when they got inside my heart, I was this giant marshmallow who had a love and loyalty that stretched pretty much forever. I was the chief, I was mom, I was doomed to not be weak. Not even in my own mind.

That perception has changed over the years and it's only now that I'm working to rebuild my self image, but long term chronic illness has a tendency to do that in your life and this post is not about that struggle, or not entirely. ;D

Then another close friend told my daughter that I once was going to write a book called, "Bitchology." It sounds like something I would have said, but the title was probably all his, 'cuz he's a hell of a lot cleverer with words than I am. ;D

I think I could have made the book a hit...I think I could still make the book a hit! It's a great title! There is something to be said for being a bitch. My daughter has been gifted that title by my friends and she preened under it, and they praised her saying they were glad she knew it was a compliment.

And I think it is, because I think sometimes in this world that being 'bitch' is just another word for being a forthright, alpha female who can hold her own in the world. It will cause her problems. It already has.

But I would say much better bitch than victim if I have the choice between the two. Those were my choices, not my daughters', but I could only raise her as I knew to be raised as a female. She was a "girlier" girl. And she didn't have the sports opportunities that I did. She is so much more organized than I ever was and so much more her own person. I was very dependent on my friends' opinions, my family's opinions, everyone's opinions... but my own.

Seeing friends from long ago and seeing glimpses of our faces from long ago in them, I see the continuity and the beauty.

Being with old friends I just plain had fun catching up and hearing about all the stuff I haven't heard and where they've been and what they've done...even if they've blogged about it...It was still better to hear about in person.

ta ta from the goddess of bitchology